1st Day of Senior Year;

It feels good to get out after 5th rather than after 6th. I kinda wish I took 0-4, & not stayed for lunch. But I don't want to wake up super early & GET to school before 7. I couldn't anyways 'cuz of 1A -_-

First day was okay. '10 still sucks at rallies.

1. AP Chem; I remember when I had the teacher for Chem H. She was soo boring. She was just going over class procedures today, & I was alreaady bored. Ugh. & I hate chemistry.

2. Spanish 4; Casey & the girl I used to be "best friends" with are in that class. Besides that, I'm lonely :(

3. Dance; Annie & Kelly are in the class :) & Christina's gonna switch over, yaay.

4. English; James is in the class, & Bernie too. Max came in & was complaining about how he wanted to switch to Osajima. Then he realized he wasn't supposed to be in the class. Hahha. He thought it was 5th period.

5. AP Stats; Class w/ Christina & Terry. Seems like a pretty okay class. The teacher seems nice, extremely happy.

SEN10RS<3

13th .

So today I had senior pic in the morning. Wore the jacket that Wu & Lee helped me to find :) & Now I'm wearing the shirt that we all got for triplet day during spirit week next year. Haha. Senior pic was alright. The place was smaller than I thought it'd be. But the lady was a lot more nice. She's really specific about the pictures & actually cares about how you look instead of just taking it w/o giving a damn.

Then stopped by Tummy Stuffers w/ Dad 'cuz it's owned by my mom's friend. It was a goood hamburger & the lady was super nice, free :)

Get to see my sister on Saturday night & stay w/ her for a week. So I'm cramming everything in. Hahah .

Gonna go to Westminster either today or tomorrow, probably today. With Lee & meet Annie & Chris, hopefully.

Btw. I never miss Catherine Wu. :)

Adioss .

August.

"You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together, but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of ehr that she knows you can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there." - Bob Marley.

& To tell the truth, I still think about him constantly. I can't say the same feelings are there 'cuz I can't decipher if this is love or reminiscence. I just miss it, a lot.

Bestest.

So we're not together anymore. But I have no regrets. Over 5 months, he showed me what true love can be like. Yeah, some might scoff thinking ' how can two people find love in only 5 months? ' But he was a different kind of guy, one in a million type. & We had it. We lost it, but it doesn't mean it won't rekindle in the future.

For now, I don't expect anything more but him to be by my side. He's the bestest friend I could ever ask for. Hence the nickname 'bestest'. I realize that I don't need him as a boyfriend. He's above that. He's the most perfect friend I could ever ask for. He knows me more than anyone else does; he loves me for me, despite my flaws; & he'll never leave my side.

I have no doubt that he'll find someone else, & I'll find someone else.. eventually. But for now, I'm satisfied with having him by my side for forever& ever.

x : lifelong bestestestestestestestestestestestestest friendship?
07 : chea
x : proomise?
07 : i promise

x : i love you bestest
07 : i love you too bestest catherineee

A lot changes over time.

Finished summer school w/ A's in both classes, couldn't have done it w/o Mike.

Went to Henderson last Thursday. It's a city right next to Vegas.

Came back today w/ something missing..

Somewhere along the way I fucked up. & I should've seen the signs that I thought were insignificant. I don't know where we're going from here. But either way, I'm fucked.

Thanks TeddyBearWill, KuyaChuckie, & GayfaceArjan for helping me out. <3

Changes .

Soo, lots of things have changed / happened since last post .

Hm. July 3rd. It was fun 'cuz in the morning-ish, I went w/ Wu to her church's basketball team's BBQ. I liked the food actually(: Especially the Red Bean Soup, even though Wu didn't like it. The only thing that sucked, was the BEE. It followed me & my food around ! Ugh. I made Wu change seats w/ me (:<>

Theen. I got home to see Ry & Jhay in their car in front of my house. & They came over for like 40 minutes . It was different seeing Ry after 2 & a half years of knowing him; & seeing Jhay after knowing him for like , a week? Lol. Jhay was a shooortie :P Ry was shhy . Hah. We didn't really do anything but sit around & talk, while Jhay was playing w/ my pets. But it was good 'cuz I finally got to see Ry(:

Mm. Got my license. That was the 'something big' on the last post. Hahah. But I told Lee & Adams about it ahead of time, & I left it for a surprise for Wu :P Hahaha. When I showed her at the BBQ, she was like 'NO WAY !' Hahah. I got it sometime around Juuune 21st ? Yeah, June 21st @ Norco. It took freaking forever waiting INSIDE the DMV then waiting outside in the car in the hella hot SUN. But worth it (: Yay. & Soon imma be getting my insurance, & imma take my sister's car since we got her a new Honda Accord a couple weeks ago, 2 weeks ago? & Yeah(: FINALLY! I'll be able to drive around :)

Got a job. Took up tutoring 2 fob korean girls 'cuz my sister won't be around to tutor them anymore. Goood pay, 20 bucks an hour, 3 hours. Saving up the money to go see my baby next summer<3

Summer school's over in 8 more days! [2 weeks] -_- Soo many tests, quizzes, & projects have passed by . I had suuper high grades. But now they're down): But still at 95% . They better not fall after I've been keeping up A's the whoole past 4 weeks . But I have a job in Zylstra's class, & he says we get 5% up at the end, so hoopefully(:

Anyways. Me & Wu became actors over summer. LOL. & We did cutesy things, like write letters in the sand, swing, play tictactoe, go down the slides, & down the pooles. No homo :P & We watched a movie, sorry Lee. It wasn't that great though. CROWDED. & We sat next to some nastaaay people. & Sucky plot, only good part was the funny scenes. Hahah.

Btw. I don't miss Lee :P Hahhaha. Juuuust keeeeding.

So I swam today, 32 laps. Helllllaaa tired. Staying up 'till boyfriend calls me so we can sleep on phone together :) 5 months in 11 days<3

16 Days Later.

Today's sister's birthday, her 27th :) We went out to eat at a chinese place & we came home & ate cake. Last birthday before she moves out):

Summer school started. Fucking wack. Too much work to do & it's too fast paced. Tomorrow's the 3rd day & I have TWO tests. Gaay.

6 days 'till 4 months :)

a week 'till something big.

Oh btw. Congrats Wu !

Finaallls.

Tuesday; Finals 2 & 6.

- Gotta look up famous, historic Spanish people & memorize them and the vocab.

- No final for 6th(:

Wednesday; Finals 1 & 3.

- Gotta look up the belief crap & memorize each of 'em.

- No final for 3rd(:

Thursday; Finals 4 & 5.

- Read chapters 18 - 26.

- No final for 5th(:

Only 3 finals, but still so much craap to do.

I should've studied this weekend.

Yesterday I wasted the day sleeping, dinner&boba w/ sister&dad, & talking on the phone w/ baby. Ou! & Watching NCIS ♥

Todaay, I ended up watching Up. It was cuute, sad, & fuunny.

Weeeelll, getting off to study now.

Hell Week

I thought Ap testing week was supposed to be the worst week in the world. Ugh.

So this week.

Monday; Pig parts test for Bio, after we had the fetal pig dissection. It was alright. Smelled like a bitch though & it was disgusting when the pigs leaked exploded blood. Then I had to meet up w/ Richie & James after school at Maple Hill Park to finish filming the remaining parts of our video. Theen, I had to cram everything in & finish my powerpoint & my essay. I ended up getting a C for the poetry shit, just 'cuz I accidentally over spaced something. WACK.

Tuesday; The day I crammed all my commentaries in & finished 'em. But then I had to edit the video. I thought it'd be easy. But the video format was a little weird. So I couldn't get it to go to on Windows Movie Maker. Ugh. So I had to install all these things just to get it to play on my computer. But then I would only hear the audio & not the actual images. So I got it to work on One True Media. Stayed up 'till like 2 trying to upload the video, woke up at 450. One True Media only uploaded 1/2 of it & cut off the other 1/2. So I uploaded the 2nd half. Woke up at 640, still not done. It ended up not being done 'till about 750.

Wednesday; So I rushed to school after it FINALLY finished uploading, walked in 10 minutes late. Then the fucking video wouldn't show up 'cuz the school blocked the website. So she ended up giving us a 0, which is gonn' drop me down to a C.

On top of that, I had a math test. Thank God it was a partner test. I think me & Melani, my partner, did pretty okay.

Thursday; I have Link Crew Prep Meeting tomorrow. It should be pretty interesting. But then it's another extra hour with her. She's intimidating.

Friday; Practice final for Spanish. Real final's on the 27th. So much shit to study & it's so fucking confusing.

I'm so stressed. It's supposed to be summer break soon & teachers are loading all this shit on us. I'm practically on the verge of breaking down. Ugh, I hate junior year.

10 Days Later

A lot of things happened over the past 10 days . 

So the boyfriend & I broke up like I said in my last blog. & I felt like shit. Basically,  I kept breaking down at every little thing that reminded me of him. I realized that even though others may view what we have as not much, it means more to me than any other relationship ever has. Yeah, we have limitations. But he's a genuine type of guy who'll always be there, regardless of whether we're together or not. I'm not just saying that 'cuz I'm 'blinded by love'. I can swear on my life that Mike's not a guy set out to hurt girls, if that even makes sense. Blah anyways. We talked on the phone for around 2&1/2 hours that Sunday. I was hella sad talking to him & knowing he wasn't my boyfriend anymore. But later on that night I couldn't take it anymore & he couldn't take it anymore. So we got back together :)<3 Lalala. So I'm haaappy.

Mm. AP testing was a bitch! Gahd. I was freezing in the gym. But thank God every problem I thought was hard, everyone else thought it was hard too. Phew. & Luckily, I only took the Calc 2 one. Idc if people call me lazy for not taking the Bio one; I didn't know shit anyways.

Dance concert's tomorrow & Friday(: Me & Lee had dress rehearsel the past two days. We're doing a freaky dance to a freaking song, Ramalama. It's.. intesresting. I like the ending, the tutting(: But the girls' costumes look like the Vegas waitress uniforms. Hah.

Excited for tomorrow & Friday night. :] But ugh, test on Friday. Imma faaaaail ):

----------------------------------------------------

Oh yeah! There's something else I want to point out.

Karma's a bitch.

Gahd. I don't want to say anything 'cuz it might start drama. So keep in mind, this is my blog where I let my feelings / thoughts out & noone can say shit 'cuz it's not like I'm naming names.

Buuuuut. She's so hypocritical. Everything she says / said is EXACTLY what I basically said when I was in her position. So it's like, how does it feel to be on the receiving end ? I used to be the one worrying about the ex tryna take the person back. But now it's the taker getting their person taken away from them. If that makes sense. So. You have the same problems 'cuz of her just like I used to have that were caused by you. You're feeling the same way 'cuz of the other girl just like I used to feel 'cuz of you. 

All I gotta say is. Sucks for the particular 'person'. Gotta go through the same shit twice.

FL.

'The one that got away.'

I always thought, what kind of idiot lets the best person for 'em get away?

Karma. I turned into the idiot who let him get away.

Fuck relationships. I'm tired of the concept, I'm tired of the trouble.

Don't ask what happened.

It's unfair.

I hate barriers.

I hate lacking things.

I hate never having fucking happy endings.

-----------------------------------------------------------

I still love him; he still loves me.
We don't have major issues or major fights.
We're both always gonn' love each other.
We've known each other forever.
& We're compatible for each other.
We both know that we won't find anyone better.
I decided to be single forever & live w/ dogs.
He decided to be single & live w/ cats.
Hah, sounds simple right?
But why're things so complicated?

Today I wanted to wake up & just be indifferent to it.
I want to just say 'Fuck it' & move on.
I want to be able to see him as just a friend.
No, a true best friend.
So I kept my head held high today.
Did stuff I normally wouldn't do.
I kept my mind off the subject.
But every little thing that reminded me of him broke me down.
This is supposed to be 'right'.
Then why's it so hard?

Anxious.

Ahh. AP CALC BC test's in 9 days ): Soo stressed. I can't find the time to study for it, & when I do, I don't feel like studying it. Ugh. But at least I'm not taking the AP Bio test, THANK GOD.

Soo. For the past 9 days, Star's been cute. (: She's a lot more hyper now 'cuz she's getting better from her sickness. She's a fanatic for lizards & small animals though. She goes after them, like hella. Yesterday, she even caught a lizard when I moved the tiles for her & a lizard came out. My sister freaked 'cuz she haates lizards. Loool. It was funny.

Met sister's students that she tutors at our house last Wednesday. Gaaahd. Justin's a freaking brat.  Jason seems nicer & more polite. & Eunice, LOL. Forgot her named & called her Esther. Haha. She looks like a freaking Esther!

Last Friday, me & Christina helped best friend Ryan ask his girlfriend to Prom. FAIL! Hahaha. But at least she said yes. It was kinda cute though(:

Saturdaaay; actually started studying for the Calc. test while watching NCIS on USA. Haha :) Better than nothing.

Sunday; Went to Costco w/ Madre. There were a lot of mexicans around.. reminded me of Mike): & I hella started missing him.

& I just want to say.

Yeah, I don't talk a lot about Mike. 'Cuz we don't fight a lot, we don't run into problems, & he's basically an overall good boyfriend. I used to only talk about my exes, *ahem, a lot 'cuz they would cause problems for me / fights . & I don't think it's right to continuously talk about all the sweet / funny things he says 'cuz it's like rubbing it in that I have a good boyfriend. & I don't like that. But 'cuz I think like that ^ , Wu doesn't even remember half the time that Mike's my boyfriend. LOL She always confuses him w/ the guy we met at the movies. LOOOL. But yeeah;

 Mike's the best(: He always knows what to say & the sweetest things to say, even if they're corny at times. Haha. He's super sweet & I love the way he treats me. I love the way he doesn't try to change me ; & he tries to change himself. I love the way he accepts me for me, despite the billion flaws I have. I love how we can always relate in certain topics & how we can talk for hours having fun. I love how he's the last person I talk to at night, & the first text I wake up to in the morning. I love how he never gets mad that I fall asleep on him; & I love the way he stays up late w/ me at times, even though there's a time difference. I love how he's always patient w/ me whenever he uses his uhm ghetto lingo, & I don't understand; so he explains it to me. I love how if I act stupid / immature & make wack jokes, he goes along with it & entertains me. I love how he does things for me even though he doesn't always agree / see the point with it.

Just simply, I love hiim. <3

We have two dates now. He asked me out yesterday(: Soo, our dates aree ;

0222'09 & 0426'09 . ♥

A Good Day (:

Me & my sister brought home our new dog today (: After she got all her shots & got spayed. She's sooo adorable. My sister named her Star, eh. We were thinking about Calypso / Nova, but I guess not.

American Eskimo / Chow mix.
She's pretty big, well long. & She's sooo sweet. I loove her. <3



Me & Christina are on the upper right corner-ish. She's wearing the shorts, & I'm wearing the pink pants. Haha. & My best friend Ryan's in front of me in the black hoodie & black pants during the Cookie Jar song.

Agony

What makes a person happy? Is it getting what they've always dreamed for?
I think I have all I've dreamed for. A loving family, great best friends, a good boyfriend, & a generally okay life.
But if a person has what they've always wanted, won't they find things they wish they could have over & over again?
I think I'm asking for more & more. Not particularly from 1 person or 1 group. Just generally more things that I'm selfish enough to trick myself into thinking that it'll make me happier than I am now.
What's happiness?
Happiness: state of well-being characterized by emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy
^ How does someone even get to that?

My ' happiness ' is a facade full of lies, false illusions, broken hopes, faded dreams, misleading information..

I don't even think this blog makes sense. Gah. Basically. I'm slowly starting to get depressed again, more & more. I hate it. I've been through this shit so many times & it's so hard to get out of. Like around people, I'm fine. 'Cuz there's distractions to get my mind off of thinking. But if I'm in a classroom not paying attention, or at my house by myself; I start thinking.. 'bout life in general. All the faults, missing pieces, yearnings. Basically to sum it up. FML.

All better :)

Thanks Crystal for checking up on me.

Sooo, last nighhht. Me & the Boyfriend had a lil' problem that escalated from nothing, my fault): . But errthing got fixed 'cuz he's wooonderful :D Then we had a bet about who could stay up 'till 4. Haha. I was dyyying. We kept texting 'till like 3:10 - is.h. Then we both fell asleep :)
& Today, he texted me earlier than usual, made my day. We talked throughout the whole day. I leared new things about him; he called the picture I gave him creative & sweet. Hahaha. 'Cuz it was this gif thingg.
Anyways. We're better now.
022209 <3

I guess it's done with.

Over & done. All over stupid shit. But what's the point if he doesn't see shit that I do, & I don't see shit that he does see. For once I thought a guy was actually different.
Guess not.

------------------------------------------------------
Off to watch my drama, then sleep.

Appreciate

what & who you have regardless of the faults, the problems, or the frustration.
I don't know how to let out what I'm feeling. I don't know. Maybe I'm just over-thinking things & trying to push myself away from everything. Or maybe I'm just making excuses for something that can' t be. It's funny how you do something big for someone; then you go on to find out that person had something else. Ugh. Complicated story, don't ask. Today's just a generally blah day.

Don't categorize your friends. A friend's a damn friend. Some just have better qualities than others, but it doesn't mean they're the best. Everyone of them is the best in their own way. Don't think so? Then don't call them a friend, more like an acquaintance. -K.B.
Jacked that from my kuya. I think it's wise.

Boyfriend.

x: but . Today, my child says "Mommy. Sometimes my peepee goes up like a stick." I say "Well, honey, that's normal and ok." Then I ask when it does that. And he says "Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes..." FML

x: that`s SO you

x: HAHAAHAHAH

07: wtf

07: omg...my moms fuckd up

07: I told her that in cofidence

07: confidence *

Good memories. He wrote me the sweetest poem today. I loooove it.

I love you, I know I say it a lot but I just hope you know I mean it
And everything I did for you, just know I did a lil different
None of them other chicks ever got the same treatment
I used to act a fool back then, but I can say I did shit for a reason
Perfecting myself, learning from my mistakes
Testing out future wify's until I found the best
But I hope you don't take that outta context, but just know
All this time together, I can now say it was well spent
I know we can weather the storm
Anything is possible when our love ain't norm

I wrote him one too. Came out hella wack though . But he still likes it :]

Bix a Belex ?

Apparently in the Mayan Language, that means, ' Hi. How are you? ' Hahah.
Aggh. The last couple of days w/o internet have been okay. It's been kinda harder to talk to Him. :/ Spent a lot of time reading, now that I have no distractions. Finished the Alex Cross book, finished another book I got from Costco yesterday, & I started another book that I got from the LINC. Yaaay. Mm. Been driving more lately. But I'm starting to dislike it 'cuz dad has a freaking problem wit' everything. Last Friday was fun. Stayed after school with Christina & other friends for 2010 Class Dance. But just ended up playing Ninja the whole time. Pwned the best friend, Ryan, in every ' Championship Game ' we had. Hahah.
So Ron came today. It was pretty interesting. Haven't seen him in a long time. I remembered the memory I had with him in Freshman Year. It was during lunch & we were pretty close then. We started talking about how we were going to be Forever Friends. I remember I told him I'd beat his future wife up if she ever cheatted on him. Hah. Good memories.

See. I'm tall(:

We were playing Tap Tap Revenge on Ron's ITouch. Hahah. I beat her (:<


:)

How Cuuute

AHH. Episode 22 was cute.
F4's cute.
Big Bang's cute.
:)
Last night I watched a korean tv show with Big Bang. They're ADORABLEE. Hahahahah.
Dinner time.
(:

It's been a while...

... AHHH. Hahah. (Inside joke with Lee).
Anyways(: Hm. The last couple of days have been okay. On the 18th, DBHS' Dance Department went to Mt. Sac for Dance Day. Me & Christina had Contemporary II , Choreography , & Modern I. I hated Contemporary. I was sooo lost, but I felt better when I noticed I wasn't the only one(: Choreography was fun! Our school group, consisting of me, Christina, Gary, & Mark , was goood. Haha. Our dance was interesting & I learned a concept that seems so simple. Modern was fun! I actually understood most of it (: 'Cept for the rhythm thing at the end. Then I just started to clap & stomp whenever. Our school had the only asians, except for one school who had only 2 asian girls. All the other students were white/mexican. & Our school had the only guys who didn't seem gay. The other schools brought along guys who all acted like they were gay. Haah. DBHS brought the bboys. Lol. After all the classes there was an assembly. I kept falling asleep & Christina kept laughing at me. ): It was so boring! & The videos were blaaaah. Interesting concept, but the lady shouldn't spend an hour talking about it. After everything was over, Ms. L walked us over to 7/11 & Starbucks. Fun day(: But hella tiring.
When we got back to school, Christina stayed with me in my Bio Class until 330. We watched the reproduction video. Haha. & I got reminded again why I don't want to have babies. Lol. Then we waited for like an hour & 30 minutes for Josh to finish his lab. He drove us hoome.

Friday, March 20; I was excited when I got an A on my bio test(: But my mood got killed after certain encounters. I opened up to Christina about it. Hahah & she should feel special. 'Cuz she's the only person, besides family, whose seen me cry twice. :] Anyways. I was just frustrated & hurt. 'Cuz there's only so much someone can take before they take it personally. Gah. Especially coming from someone whose supposed to be your best friend? It just hurt.

Saturday, March 21. Bonded with my dad a lot. But first I went to korean school. Drove there w/ Dad(: But it was wack 'cuz Harrison wasn't there! But I hung out w/ the other scrubs; like Susie, David, David, & John. Haha. They're chill. We all went into the 6th grade class 'cuz the teacher was showing a movie called Temptation of the Wolves. It's an action / romantic movie. The first half was goood; so when I came home, I watched the whole thing. IT'S SO SAD ):
Did a lot of yard work w/ my dad that day. We bonded(: Now I'm starting to appreciate the little things that I didn't use to before. Like how I should be thankful I can help my dad around the house & outside. I mean, he's not going to live forever. & On top of that, as the years pass I should help him more and more. Idk. I'm starting to get paranoid about losing my family soon. I try to value every day & every moment with them.. even if it means withstanding disgusting kisses from my mom & cleaning the wood / marble floors. ):

Sunday, March 22. Happy 1 Month babe<3
Today started out okay. Watched Lakeview Terracce. It wasn't that great. Then I read some & watched tv with the family. Then me & my dad went out (: I forgot what we went to get. But I drove :D Haha. Then we came back, I read & did homework. Then we went to buy steak. & Now my family's cooking the steak & korean food ! :) Afterwards I might drive to Walnut area to get Golden Spoon with mom & dad :)<3

Anyways. To the boyfriend(: I don't even know if you read my Blogspot. Since I told you not to before, but then I said you could o_o Anyways. Thanks for sticking with me for a month. I know I'm not an easy person to deal with, 'cuz I want things my way & I take things the wrong way, etc. But I love how you make me feel special (: I love how you consider me special, unlike your other exes. I love how we both know that this relationship isn't like the others we had 'cuz we've known each other for years, & we've seen all of each others' sides. We understand each other & we have a special bond in whatever relationship we have, friends / couple . I know we're far, but we've dealt with it for all these years. I know we can deal with it some more. I want this to surpass yours & my longest relationship. & Mike, I love you :)<33

Anyways. DINNNNNNER TIME .
Yaay. Btw. Got the James Patterson book I've wanted :) WOOO.<3

Sentimental):

Boys over Flowers is sooo sad, especially today's episode ): I almost cried. Gaaahd. The boyfriend's getting married to another girl & begged his fiance to cancel the wedding. Like he got down on two knees & everything :(

:/ Anyways. So I finally got sweat pants for dance, instead of the lousy shorts I used to wear. So I started going crazy doing all this floor work that I couldn't do before 'cuz then I'd get major wood burn. But I ended up landing on my knee the wrong way & I have a huge bruise ): On the side of my knee there's a purple&blue line. Ahh.

Tomorrow's Dance Daaay(: No school! Wooo. & Chill w/ Lee the whole day (: Hahha. Don't miss us too much, Wu.
Btw. I just wanted to point out that I have the best of friends & thee best boyfriend(:
Wu&Lee are two girls that people spend their whole lives looking for. [No homo]. They're the bestestestest friends anyone can ever find. People go through best friend after best friend, after letting fights & drama tear up the friendship. But WuJungLee's stuck it out for all these years :] & I lovee us for that. We're all so different & we make versatile best friends. Haha. But we make a damn good triplet of best friends. [BTW. WE NEEDA MATCH ON TWIN/TRIPLET DAY].
Mike's really the best person anyone can ever find. I'm not saying it 'cuz I'm with him right now. 'Cuz I notice that I say shit about the people I used to be w/ but I didn't mean it. But now I do mean it. & I'm truly thankful to have him in my life. His&My bond'll never die no matter how much shit we go through or what we are; like friends, TWINS, BESSSTfriends(; , or a couple. I'm lucky to have him as my boyfriend. <3

BTW. He wrote the cutest letter in the woooorld yesterday, which I'm not allowed to uh share 'cuz he told me not to . But ALKJLAKDJ. I loooooved it. :)


[WE NEED TO TAKE MORE WUJUNGLEE PICTURESSS] We have so little):

Contemplate.

I love how unlike other people, I have true friends who I can always count on. I love how we can do practically anything together or seperately, & still have a good time. I love how our friendship has overcome obstacles along the way; how we learned to accept each other for who we are; how we don't judge each other; how we get along; & how we've had yeeears of friendship together as a foundation. I love how my boyfriend treats me well & makes me happy. I love how, thanks to him, I can say that I'm happy with him & my life's improved for the better. I love how he says the sweetest things to show that he cares, how he counts down the days 'till our one month, & how he's just overall great. But I especially love how even if this relationship fails, we'll always be in each other's lives 'till the end of time, & how Imma be his best WOman at his wedding. I love how I'm being less of a computer addict, 'cept for Aim to talk to baby & viikii.net to watch my dramas. I love how I'm not a cellphone addict anymore & I rarely text. I love how I don't have drama, 'cept for that one little hoe but who cares about that. I love how I'm changing for the better, improving my moral values, & being mature enough to know what / what not to do.

I'm disappointed in the state the world has become. I'm disappointed in the people who step on others just so they can do what they want. I'm disappointed in those who KNOW certain things are bad, yet they do it anyways. I'm disappointed in the lack of results when I put in the effort. I'm disappointed in the way people behave obnoxiously. I'm disappointed in the discrimination & judgments people make on others. I'm disappointed in those who believe something so much, when everyone else can clearly see that it's the total opposite. I'm disappointed in working hard to try to achieve something, just to get it blown up in my face. It's disappointing how people go around spreading rumors when they know they should just shut the fuck up & keep it to themselves, but they proceed to backstab me when all I do is support them. It's disappointing how people assume shit & start drama, just suck it the fuck up & get over it. 'Cuz honestly, I don't care about you or your little petty bitchfits.

Everyone needs to just sit back from their hectic lives, view it from another perspective, SEE THE TRUTH, & deal with it from there.

Sadies

Sadies was heeelllla complicated, even before we got there! Like me & Josh didn't know what we wanted to do & stuff . But Josh picked me up & we ended up going to Christina's house, chilled there for like an hour ? or so . Then they were gonn' head to the Shoppees wit' Lee's parents, so we left. & CHRISTINA FUCKING SCARED ME ): While I was in Josh's car , Josh was on the phone , & we were parked in front of Christina's house. Haha. But she left hand marks on the window :P
Then we left Christina's, stopped by Quinznos' (sp?) & went to school. We got in a line, then thought it was the wrong line 'cuz we bought the tickets under Josh's name & we were in G-L line, so we headed over to A-C line with Homam & Ashley. Turns out the tickets were under MY name -___- So we went back to the G-L line after waiting half an hour in the A-C line. LOL. But Sadies was fun overall(: We didn't dance though. 'Cuz when we followed Homam & Ashley to the dance floor, they started grinding.. Me & Josh stared at each other. & We were both like ' awwwkward ' . Hahaahha. We basically spent the whole Sadies killing time & booondddding(: Mmm, we did: laser tag, obstacle course, bought jamba juice, sat around&talked, & turned in tickets for raffle. Haha. But the time went by fast :) It was fuuun!
Oouu, & we took pictures there. I bet I came out hella crappy -_- 'Cuz the guy was like. Kaay put your hand in your pocket, put your hand on your hip, lift your foot, move your heads closer, & all that stuff. It was funny. Lool, and so HOTT in the room.


*I HATE MY BANGS.

*Wu's attempt at candid, Lee failed . Hha

*Me & Josh were supposed to be Hulk & Thing. But we only matched the colors. Haha. Halfway through Sadies we changed our thing to Skittles though. We hella didn't match. Haha. Oh well. We looked, interesting :]

Damaged.

Went to doctors on Tuesday. They told me to take a blood test ; 'cuz they couldn't find anything wrong wit' me. But they still think it's weird that I've been sick for so long, so they want to make sure it's nothing serious. In the mean time, they're treatting me w/ allergy pills -__- Waaack.
Tomorrow's Saaadies(: But Josh was sick today, so idk if we're still gonn' be able to go ._.
Busted my knee today. Hit it really hard on a desk during second. It stung. Then in 6th I did something & I couldn't bend it. Now I can't straighten it out. Grrreat.
Weeeeell. Gonn' go try & sleep early tonight.
:]

Brea Mall.

It's been a while since I've updated this. But. On Thursday, got my grades. 3 A's & 3 B's. My mom was hella proud of me, lmfao. She would've killed me if I brought home 3 B's in 8th grade. -_- On Friday, came home right after school 'cuz I was hella sick. Had a fever the whole day but couldn't go home 'cuz noone could pick me up & I didn't want to walk the 2 miles home. On Saturday, bailed on korean school to rest at home & try to feel better. Sunday. Had a goooood lunch w/ family after me & madre went to 3 different stores. Hahah.

So me & Josh are gonn' go to Sadies w/ him as the Hulk & me as the Thing. Hahahahah. 'Cuz nothing goes w/ the Hulk, & in one episode of this comic series, the Thing fought against Hulk. Soo, yeah. We went to Brea Mall w/ Christina today to buy our outfits. He got a green jacket & purple jeans. LOL. I got an orange shirt & bright blue pants. We weree gonn' get matching shoes, but didn't feel like wasting more money. We got it all from one store, wooo :]
Afterwards, went to the food court. I FINALLY was able to finish one whole bowl of that chow mein / chicken bowl thing. Haha. Mm. Then chilled there & talked 'till we decided to head back since Christina had to get back to my house by 630. But Josh accidentally locked his keys in the trunk. & There was no other way to get it out. Hahahahah. So Christina called her mom, made another excuse on why she was gonn' be late, Josh called his dad, & we all waited for his dad to come w/ the spare key. Christina was freaking out 'bout getting in trouble, Josh was tripping 'cuz he thought he was gonn' get Christina in trouble. Soo, I took everybody's mind off of things by acting like an idiot & wanting to take pictures :)



[It's kinda obvious that Josh didn't want to take pictures. LOL. But I forced him by dragging him along(: & the last one, I just like the lighting & the skyy . Haha.]


Our only somewhat normal picture :) I was laughing hella hard 'cuz we were suppoed to spell out ' L O L ' or ' WOW MOM I saw a COW go MOO ' . LMFAO. That would've been hella funny. & We looked like idiots setting up my phone on Josh's car & running to where Christina & Josh were standing just to smile & pose. Hahahah. The people waiting for their buses near Red Lobster must have thought we were idiots. Hahah, oh well. It was fun :)
Then Josh's dad came w/ the spare key. & Josh drove Christina & me home.

Today was fuuuuun. We should go out like that more often , minus the lying to parents & minus locking the key in the trunk. Hahaha. "We're gonn' look back on this in 5 years & laugh our BUTTS off". What's ironic though's that Christina locked her house keys in her house, Josh locked his car keys in his trunk. What're the oddss . Haha.

YAY. Episode 18 of Boys Over Flowers (: It was wonderful. I don't like the fiance -__-
Blah. Kaaaay, gotta go to math homework & actually spend time on it. 'Cuz the fucking teacher's so damn picky 'bout every little shit. UGH.
Byeee . <3

Baby, I love you .

It was awkward in history. 'Cuz people kept asking Josh if he was gonn' go to Sadies, & it doesn't help that I sit in front of him. & People were like ' oh are you going ?' & he'd say ' yeah. ' Then they'd say , 'Ohh, with who?' Then eventually he'll say it's me. Then they'd be like , ' awhh, that's cute. are you two together? ' Then both of us would be like, 'NOO' hahahahahahahah. But we got our sadies tickets today :) He 'paid' for it, just 'cuz I gave him my 20 bucks to hand to the lady. WAAAAACK.
Today was an alright day.
Happy 16th Birthday Ronald :) aka Favorite Sophomore<3 I hope you have a better year being 16 than I did.

I can't wait for my own gahdamn birthday. Hmm. 6 months & 24 more days to go. I'm getting old): But it's okay, Christina & Ashley are already there. HAHAH.
Mike makes me haaaaappy. (: He thinks I'm an 8.9 / 10 & I rated him a 9 / 10. Hah, 'cuz our personalities go well together, it's just the distance & we live in like two different worlds, I guess you could say. 'Cuz the lingo he uses I'm just like ' huh? ' & the diction I use, he says ' huh ? ' to. Hahah.
Kaaaay, gonn' go do math & finish before 9 :)
<3 !

Boom, Boom, Booom.

It's settledd. (: Catherine, Christina, Josh, Kathleen, & I are gonn' go to Sadiess. W/ ---- as Lee's date, ----- as Kathleen's date, the lesbo date for Wu, & Josh as ' my ' date . Hahhaahah. He owes me 250 rides / lunchh btw , since I won the bet that Christina would tell him about sadies. Haha.

FINALLY , Episode 17 came out today. When I was walking home w/ Christina today, Wu texted me & said that it was out. I freeaakkked & went crazy / threw a tantrum a quarter of the way there. LOOOL. But we went to go get boba :) It must've tired her out though, 'cuz she fell asleep wit' the quickness when we got home. Haha.

Had fun todayy . My sickness / congestion is going away ! ;D But I've been getting hellllla bloody noses -__- Gah.

-- One day me & Christina are gonn' take the bus to the Brea Mall & try to find our way to Westminster ;D Hahaha.

IHT.

I HATE MATH. The fucking teacher marks me off for the littlest things ever. She fucking hates me for no gahdamn reason ):< Like we had to do graphs, & I didn't make the x values range from -4 to 4. Instead they were from -3 to 3. So she marked me off. & I only got 280 / 400 . UGH. & Then the one due today, I just cut out the graphs from the worksheet, so I'm probably gonna get the same score -__- FUCK HER .
Hm. Besides that, rest of the day was good (: Went to school in the middle of lunch 'cuz I was studying for Bio Test that I still only got a 70% on -__- Then killed time afterschool 'cuz Lee left me ): [Jkay.] But then got off the buss & made an attempt at scaring Lee since she was gonn' meet me at the bus stop. Hah. But it failed. Then we walked to the chinese bakery & got Boba Milk Teaa :) Woo. Then walked to the intersection; & I went hooome.
SADIES ! I want to go 'cuz it's gonn' be the last one that DBHS is gonn' have. But so much stresss concerning it. Agh, whateverss. & I want to go for the WuJungLee memories ! :]
Hm, off to do homeworkkk . MATH. Hahaha.
<3

Saturdays

are such boring / lazy days for me. Didn't go to korean school in the morning 'cuz I wasn't feeling too good. I'm still congested, my nose sucks, & my throat hurts. On top of that, I cough at random times & I need to sneeze but it's not coming out ):< Hm. Watched a lot of NCIS / Burn Notice on USA today<3 But the only thing I accomplished was to clean my room. Hah.

Cut myself today ): 3 times & I don't even know how I got 2 of 'em. I cut my left pinkie when I was trying to pick up the trash bag thingy & I, literally, sliced it against this plastic, blue folder thing. It hurt like a lil' ASDFGHJKL; Then when I was doing the dishes, my left middle finger & the right side of my right hand started stinging. ): Gay.

Only good thing's that I got to talk to Ry today on the phone, after like, dayss. Hah. We were both playfully yelling at each other, but we were both sick. So we were coughing every other word. LOL. Like 'you're *COUGH gay *COUGH' . :) Then I said it's funny how we're both yelling & coughing; then we started laughing / coughing. LOL.

Congested.

Yesterdayy. Hm. Stayed after school with Lee for C/O 2010 poster painting for the Performing Arts Rally. But after like an hour, we got hungry & walked down to Burger King w/ Dominic. I accidentally took Derek's IPhone wit' me, but he said I could keep it & give it to him the day after. So I was haaappy. I love the IPhone, 'cept when you have to type something. -__- Got a whopper at BK, got picked up Dominic's mom, & went back to painting. Whenever the whole group got finished painting something, we basically had to cross campus to get it inside the gym. Then we had to worry about hanging it up. Wack. It was interesting though? Me & Christina were gonn' climb the bleachers to get up & hang the class poster. But thought it was too dangerous. Lol. So basically we were outside 'till like 9 ? & I got sicker):

Woke up this morning w/ a funny feeling. Blah. Rally today. Screamed my head off for Homom/Greg's performance & All Male Dance Crew. Oh & for juniors. We lost to sophomores -_- Wack. & Fucking freshmen won the poster contest. GAY. But only 'cuz one junior helped 'em draw it out . Traitor. Ugh. Afterwards, chilled at school w/ Christina, Josh, & Kathleen. Then Josh drove us over to HMart Area. We walked to Starbucks, then Burger King. Ate, chilled like hobos. Walked to HMart. Me, Josh, & Kathleen went against Christina & played Hide & Go Seek. Christina took too long so we just came out. Then went to Rite Aid, bought ice cream<3 Went back to school, chilled. Me & Josh played this one weirdd game. It was fun looking like idiots though. :P Then went in the theater for Apollo Night. It wasn't as great as I thought it'd be though. Hella people were out of control; the people behind us were obnoxious; the people in front were stuck up. Grreeat. It didn't get better 'till second part though, when Josh sat next to me. So I actually had someone to talk to since Wu kept talking to Melissa. Hah. Then afterwardss. Chilled for a little after school, got ride from Christina, & went home.

& Right now, I'm feeling crappy. My throat hurts from yelling too much. & I have a worse cold than yesterday, if that makes sense. Like I feel hella congested. & I didn't even know the definition of that 'till now -_- Yesterday I woke up w/ a bloody nose & had a bloody nose all dayy . I kept falling asleep without knowing I fall asleep. Like I'd put my head down on something, next thing I know someone's waking me up. & I'm just like ' wtf. ' & Today I feel congestedd.
Greeeeat. ):< & I've been needing to sneeze the whole day, but only sneezed once. Then 5 minutes later had to sneeze again. GREATTT. -_-

I WANT TO WATCH A MOVIE.
But I have to wait 'till March 13 -_______-

OOOU. I almost forgot(: So something totally made my day today. Me & Mike were talking. & He said something like 'I was gonna go to a club w/ my cuz & a couple friends... but then I remembered I have a gf & she wouldn't like that.' :] So he held himself backk. & Then he said something later on that was like 'I wanted to spend some time with you.'
ASDFGHJKL; Cuuuuuutie<3
I love that beanner kimchi. (:

How Depressing.

^ They're soooooooo adorable!
I have to wait 6 more days for a new episode of Boys Over Flowers ):


^ They're such cuuuuties.

So todayy . Went to school early. Failed Spanish Test. Kept falling asleep in Bio 'till Derek started tickling me, then couldn't go back to sleep . ): After school; got a ride from my best friend, Catherine's mom , & Wu. Hah :] Christina came over. We ate the ramen I cookedd. It was goood (; Then watched some of my drama - ramaa , started to work on dance choreography [didn't get far] , then camera whore / music / internet / aim / DRAMA <3 Then she had to goo . ): I felt like a fattie though. Me & her finished this whole big bag of BBQ Chips, but I ate most of it. UGH. It was so good / sugarry / salty / addicting. ):< I made fun of her friend on aim. LMFAO & Met her ' cousin ' back in MA. Anywaysss .

^ LMFAO. Mm, nothing to say.

^ We're beautiful. HAHAHA.

No Homo :] It all started when I pretended to lick her; Then SHE stuck her tongue out. HAHA.





^ I think we make cute Best Friends. Hahah.

[BTW CHRISTINA. It's not all of 'em. Well like, I sorted through 'em & shit. But the only uhmm. Kinda sorta clear ones were those up there & a few others. If you want to see the rest of 'em just askk :] 'Cuz I got 'em uploaded in a private album on Myspace.]

So today was prettty fun . :] Gained a lot of calories though. JLASKDJLAKDJL. Whatever.

BTW! In Dance I was trying to do this one move with Christina. Where she was gonn' be standing wit' her legs spread apart & I'd hold on to her & slide through. LMFAO.
Jung: Open wideee!
Lee: YOU CAN'T FIT IN THERE!
LMFAO. How homo. But like Chris said, err'one's 5% Homo.
My 5% comes out around Christina ): In a totally, I don't like her kinda way :o I don't go that way. HAH.

Kay on to homework / aim wit' Christina & the boyyfriendd, MIKE<3

BOYS OVER FLOWERS.

Ahh. That drama's my new addiction<3 I spent a LOOOOOT of time watching it. ): I didn't even study for spanish test or do english homework ! Waacccck. Anyways. I love Boys over Flowers. Omgaiii. JUNPYO / JIHOO <3

I love Mike!(:
& I love REDVINES. Omg. Nervie got me addicted):
& Christina's blog inspired me to think! ... Some more, I mean.

Kay well Dad's making me get off the computer): So no time to finish Episode 15. ASDFGHJKL;

- Juunngg .

HA HA HA.

I wanted to start off by saying. It's pathetic where our world has come to these days. What people would do for Lust & how some people look. LMFAO. Not to be fucked but , GAHD , soo frustrating. She's so ugly, the other girl's better -___- Whatever. & I know you're gonn' read this someday, my insane friend who doesn't know the definition of sexy [yes, you], keep your head up girrrrl<3 I'll be there for you(: Fuck what others say or do; you can always build yourself back up.

Lalala. I love Mike(: He makes me haaaaappy like :DDDD [minus the quadruplet chins] . He says the cutest things in the worlddd & he makes my dayss, well nights actuallyy . Mmm, I love&miss his mexican-y voice): & I loveeee how he's my kimchi & I'm his baby eggroll :P Hhahaa. <3

So so so; I'm officially falling in love w/ JunPyo in the KDrama , Boys Over Flowers. ASDFGHJKL; He's soooooooo sweet to JanDi. & F4 's freaking cute. LMFAO. I got Wu addicted & she says that JunPyo gets cuter & cuter. LMFAO. Lee's crazy for just calling them ' alright ' . Wackk.

! Today was madre's birthday. They went out for most of the day; I stayed home watching my drama-ramaaa<3 Bought her makeup with dad, then my mom&sister prepared the seafood dinner. Mom told me to go to the kitchen & eat this clam thing. & I asked jokingly, "It's dead right?" & My sister said, "Now it is." ):< I FREAKED! & Stopped chewing & kept jumping around err'where. Like THAT'SS gonn' get the disgusting-ness outta my mouth -___-x But I eventually ended up spitting it up on the floor. LOL. Nastyy .

Kay. Back to B.O.F. <3

FUUUUCK you.

I hate how Blogspot always fucks up my posts if I copy & paste something. Laaaame.

But anyways. Had final driving lesson today ! (: Wooo. Went on the freeway, but I was hella anxious. I ended up getting tired from watching every mirror, worrying about the speed limit, & alluh that shit. But at least I'm done with it now. But I gotta work on my damn turns -___-

Got into a fight wit' my sister in the morning. She was cranky that she had to wake me up & called me irresponsible -__- & I guess I didn't walk to the car 'fast enough'. So she started bitching. Then she said I go out too much when I DON'T. All I did was go to fucking Burger King yesterday & chill wit' Lee, Ho, James, Kevin, Chad, Ashton, & Trevor -__- Then she said, 'you go to the mall too much' when the last time I went was the day after Christmas / VDay. Wackk. So we kept shouting & fighting on the way to korean school for me to T.A. I even cussed at her & she said 'SHUT UP. DON'T CUSS . ' Blah blah. I got out & slammed the door. Then I spent 3 hours at korean school wit' the little brother, Harrison<3 & The other cool kidss. Like David(: So yesterday I wrote Mike a poem. Hah, 'cuz he thought I couldn't rhymee. Loser. So I proved that I could by writing him a long ass thing. He got touched(: Or so he said. But he should feel speccialll, I don't work on shit like that for so long & work so hard for just anyone. & I've neverrr ritten anyone a poem. But in the poem I put;

So just know that for the rest of my life,
I'll love you always & I'll wish to be your wife.

Then he asked, "Catherine Young Jung, will you marry me?" & Then right after he said, "If I really asked you?"
WACKKK. LMFAO. Got me all excited for nothing. Hahaha. He's hella cute though<3

* Btw. Baby, if you're reading this [even though you said you wouldn't read my blogspot anymore] , I love youu. & I like hella miss you right now. It's taking you so damn long just to sign off ):

:)

I'm getting happier. Yay :) 'Cept today some parts got me down. Like how I practically failed my Math / Bio Test. Then afterschool C/O 2010 Officials didn't have a ride for two people to go volunteer at the hockey game. So it was either I go, or Christina go. But in the end, our bestfriendship won out & we both chose not to go. Therefore, Kathleen didn't go either. But whatever. Better fucking give our money back.

But after the 'ride to hockey game' drama; Christina, Kathleen, & I stayed afterschool in front of the theatre practicing Dance :) & We saw the guys dance. They had this one routine that's so fuckin' cool. It was all fast & shit; it looked good. We needa fix up our routine though -_- Ugh.

Then we walked to Tea Rush @ around.. 5:45-ish? Lee & Ho got drinks, we met up with Ashton, then we walked over to Burger King. I bought a meal, they bought fries. Blah, blah. Then we saw .. Trevor? I think that's his name, Kathleen's 'dad'. Then we saw JAMES! I hella missed him. He eventually came over to us & sat near us, while his two friends went outside to smoke. Then Trevor & Ashton left, the two friends came back in, & we all talked. We seriously spent about 3 hours just sitting at Burger King, talking. We were the last 6 customers. Haha. But it was fun catching up & just chilling. Then James' friend bought him an Oreo Shake. OMG. It was sooo good. We all shared (: Mm. Then James said his friend would give us a ride. So at about 930, we started heading out & walked to a corner where we were gonn' get picked up. James' friends smoked on the other side of the corner ; while James waited with us :] He was hella courteous & thought about our situation. Like when his friends asked us if we wanted to smoke or if we smoked, James made it clear that we were innocent & didn't do anything like that. Then we got homee, really quickly 'cuz his friend drove fast. Haha. Then I & Kathleen chilled at Lee's house for like 30 minutes, & Kathleen's dad gave me a ride home . :)

Overall, today was hella fun. Made up for not going to the hockey game. I rebonded with old friends & got to get to know new ones :] It was pretty nervewrecking at some points, but it was funn. Hahah.

But. Dude. SHIIIIT. Someone take me to the damn movies. I've been craving movies since a couple weeks ago. ):< Gah.

So tomorrow Imma probably just t.a. for korean schoooool. Then HOPEFULLY, MOVIES ? Doubt it. Gah. ):

-------------------------------------------------------------

If you fucked up, go back & fix it. If the person truly cared, they'd take you back. Like that one famous quote or some shit, 'if it's true love, it'll find its way back'.

!@#*&!%

Soooo. It's been 2 days since I last blogged. o_o Blah. It sucks, I keep procrastinating on homework 'till late at night. Ugh. Anyways..

Let's get one thing straight. No, I'm not sad that me & Chris broke up. It's whatevers 'cuz it was going downhill anyways. So please, don't continously ask me if I'm okay or not / what happened. Simple, things just didn't work out. & I'm over it, to the point where I don't have our pictures on my phone anymore & all the cute texts I saved are deleted. & I don't even think about him throughout the day, 'till someone brings him up. LMFAO. But yeeah. & Yes I'm proud of myself. This is the fastest I've gotten over somebody. & If he's happy right now then I'm all for it :) Well, we're not even friends anymore. Blah. Long story. Well yeah. Things will be how they be. I'm not gonn' work to make anything work anymore.

So I've learned a numerous amount of shit from various things. Likee.
1. There's no point in working hard for something you're not sure of; It eventually fails in the end. So if you see me not really give a fuck about anything, that's why :) Btw. This doesn't apply to matters that revolve around Family / Best Friends.
2. People aren't reliable. No matter how much shit people say about how much they hate liars / backstabbers, they end up being a hypocrite by becoming one of 'em. & Yeah, I'm being a hypocrite right now too. 'Cuz I have lied to people before. But I haven't lied recently, like for the past couple of months I've been completely honest.
3. Not everyone's like you. Just 'cuz you feel one way doesn't mean the other person/friend will feel the same. So you can't expect err'one to react to err'thing like you do, or for people to put in the extra effort like you would.
4. Love. It's not physical. It's an emotional attraction. Don't confuse the joy you get from doing physical things with somebody as 'Love'. Instead, it's Lust. Love can overcome distance, and the true ones can last throughout anything. No matter how many fights a couple might get into, no matter what shit tries to break 'em apart; They should stick together & battle through it together. Be understanding of each other's situations. Stay loyal & honest, always. Don't lie to make the relationship seem ' better ' . & If you two have problems, fix 'em right away. Don't prolong 'em 'cuz it'll only lead to hardships.
5. Promises aren't forever. A lot of 'em are broken, so you can't put your total faith into a promise someone makes. Honestly, I'm the type of person that if I promise something, I'll try my hardest to keep it. That's why I don't make that many promises, 'cuz I know I'm not going to be able to keep 'em all.
6. Don't judge. You don't know what others have been through. Everybody's lives are different & we've all gone through different things. A person's outter appearance & seemingly odd actions [in your opinion] shouldn't prohibit you getting to know the person. You never know, they could be the nicest person in the world.
7. Karma's a bitch, it'll come biting you back in the end. Don't work to make someone jealous, you'll just end up being the one crashing down in the end. Don't do anything bad to others, 'cuz it could happen to you. Like the Golden Rule; Do unto others the way you want others to do unto you. Or something like that . :)
8. Good friends are hard to find, so you shouldn't drift from the true ones. <- So true. I'm glad I have Christina Lee / Catherine Wu / Joshua Adams / Nancy Tran / Ry Aurelio / Mike Ramirez. I have other friends. But they're the ones who come first, before err'one else. Imma always keep 'em in my life & try my best to not drift. Even if we do lose contact, get into fights, break some trust ; I'll always & forever keep 'em in my Life through the hard, & the good times. Promise. 9. Hope. Yeah, it's always good to have hope as motivation/inspiration to follow through with a dream. But don't contain too much Hope in something you know that'll fail, or even something you have doubts in. But then again, don't have too many doubts. If you do, you won't live life to the fullest & you'll always be contained in a little shell.
10. Accept err'one for how they are. Don't hold someone's personality against 'em. I guess this goes for the Judgement one too, but yeah. Err'body's different. We shouldn't even hold their appearances against them. If they're good-hearted people, we should look past the rough exterior for the better interior. :]

Weelll. At least that's all I can remember now :) Hah. & Yeaaah. I realize alluh that up there, but it doesn't necessarily mean I keep 'em in mind as I live Life. I try to though. I feel mature. (; But then again, I could be immature for saying that? ._. Lol. If you disagree wit' anything I put up there, I'm sorry. But that's your opinion & these are mine.

So school's a drag. I have two tests, again, on the same day. -___- In the two hardest subjects too, Bio & Math. But at least Imma go volunteer at the Hockey Game this Friday :) Woo. I wann' go to movies! Ugh. I've been wanting to go so badly, someone go with me ):

I keep having my nightmares. :/ I hate 'em. I don't even know what makes 'em so scary, but they freak me out. They make me not want to go back to sleep when I wake up in the middle of the night. So I try to sleep late, so that I won't have nightmares. But then when I doo sleep late, I end up being cranky & I wake up on the wrong side of the bed the next morning. Wackk .

I'm trying to change myself into a better person :) 'Cuz I know others think of me as their good friends, & I don't really reciprocate the feelings. Butt, I'm tryna be there for err'one who makes an effort to talk to me. & I'm proud to say that now, people are coming to me instead of me going to them. (: Partially 'cuz I have no problems to go to 'em forrr, but yeah. & I'm trying to be a nicer person, without flaring my angry temper side. & I'm actually getting to know the people in my Myspace Fams; Btw, I muhh'fucking lovee FRESHKREW<3 style="text-align: center;">07: im writting a verse for a friend
07: to declare is love to this chick
07: his*
x: why don`t YOU declare your love to me ? :o
07: i have declared my love towards u...u just dont take it
x: i took it & put it in mu pocket
07: nice
07: put it down there
x: *my
x: hahahah
x: i`m saving it for a rainy day
07: what u gonna do with it?
x: what could i do with it ?
07: ...
x: okay let`s put it this way
x: i love you
x: ^ i declared my love for you :]
x: what`re you gonna do with it ?
07: declare it back?
07: i love you

Cute(: Hahah. & I love how we don't have a physical attraction. Well duh we wouldn't, 'cuz we don't see each other in person. But still. We can talk for hours & I'd stay up late for him anyday. We can talk about anything & err'thing . No matter what we talk about, the convo doesn't get awkward or uncomfortable. He's always been there for me throughout the 5/6 years I've known him. No matter what has happened, or how far we seemed to have drifted; We always found our way back to being in each other's lives. If we actually lived in reasonable distance, We'd make a cute couple :) Like he says, we'd be like . (-.-) (o-o) Chink & Beaner. LMFAO. Hahah. Idk. It might be just a temporary infatuation 'cuz it most, but I just wanted to write it in here, so I can look back when I read old posts & reminisce.

There. I let go of all the thoughts I kept in my mind. Hahaha. I think Imma go work on my Math now. But ugh ): I'm sick. Like throat hurts / runny nose kinda sick. So I'm sniffling all the damn time -___- & I can't breathe ! LAAAME . Aiite well I'm gonee. <3

Blah.

Today Chris with his girlfriend & her boyfriend came up here. Got hella nervous so brought Christina along. Chris was already pissed off about some shit, & wouldn't tell me about it. So we just ended up sitting there at Burger King, 'till he decided to walk out. Then me & Christina decided to walk to Tea Rush. I knew Chris was mad about something, so I bought him an aquamarine. Uhm. Then when we got out, he had walked one way. & Crystal had followed him. So all 3 of us were basically following him around -_- Then he sat down where the old movie theater used to be. & I sat with him. But we didn't even talk. & It just led to an argument. In the end, me & Christina ended up walking home. Well, we went 1/8 of a way there & it started raining hella. So we went to go look to buy an umbrella from Rite Aid / HMart. But we didn't see any. So we just went our way. Thank God it stopped raining & we made it home in 45 minutes. Woo. She cleaned, I went on her computer. Then I came home.

I ended up getting sick ): Right when I got better too. Damn.

Anyways. I miss err'body from school & Mike.
Didn't even finish homework. Shiiit.
PIGGY PIGGGGYYY .
LMFAO.

Today;

Was freaking fantastic :)
In the morning I had to T.a. for korean school. But it was all good 'cuz I got to see Harrison & talk to him :) Then I had to go to freaking tutor. But I only got the extra credit, waited for my mom, then left. Then my mom & I went to Burger King & bought a meal for me. I ate it hella fast then went on the driving lesson with my instructor.
It was funnn. I speed. ): I don't know how to control it, blah. & Too much shit to look around at. & My turns suck. I don't 'complete them smoothly' , or so he says. & He calls me ' speeding girl ' & that he wouldn't give me a car if I were my parents. LOL. But he's freaking hilarious :) I scared him when I turned too fast & almost ran into a car. LOL.
Then I got home. Uhmm. Tried driving down to Christina's house with my mom's car. But my mom freaked out & almost got a heart attack on the way there. So I got out & she drove -_- Wack! Then waited at Lee's house for 10-15 minutes & went to the Brea Mall when Kathleen & her dad picked us up. :]
@ The mall, we went allllll around. Kathleen bought a white dress for the Breast Cancer thing she's going to with Lee tomorrow, & I bought a new shirt from Aero. I don't know if I like it o_o But Kathleen & Christina said I should get it. LOL When Kathleen was paying for her dress; it was $32.15 & Kathleen gave the lady $30.25 , thinking it was correct. LMFAO. Freaking hilarious. Then we got approached by 3 guys from school asking us to help their band. Then this lady, a talent scout person or whatever, approached us 'cuz we had a 'good look.' LOL. @ Least those creepy guys from Ontario Mills weren't there. Hahah. Then we went to the Food Court & ateee. Then took pictures & chilled there 'till Christina's parents came to pick us up. :)
Afterwards, we all went to Christina's house to practice the dance, since the first showing's on Wednesday. Damn. We're almost done with it thoughh :) We only have to do a minute or so of Girlfight & we're finished. Wooooo. All 3 of us were beattt though. & We left her house at 10:15 PM.

Anywayss. I was happy today :) Christina&Kathleen picked me back up & made everything alright. [No homo.] I talked to Karl again today. Yayy. He's my teddy bear :)<3 Then I got Will as my Valentine :] I bonded more with Chuckie, & I got my Guhguh Chris back. Wooo.

But on top of err'thing. I get to see Ry tomorrow ! :D
So imma go.
Waste my time on the computer, then get ready to sleep, then sleeeep. Hopefully I'll get Guhguh to sleep with me): 'Cuz I hate my nightmares.

Damn.

Wu needs to stop staring at my Blogspot & giving me so many damn profile views. :)

Mm. Today was colld!): Shit. I have my spanish presentation tomorrow. Blah. I don't know the stupid vocab. I used on there too! I used Babelfish[x Hah. So every day after 5th, Freddie walks me to 6th Period Bio @ Dr. EQ's . & Sometimes he puts his arm around me & We hug, but I don't really think much about it. But Jotham saw us & was like O_o or whatever you call that weird look he has, the one with the big smile on his face. LOL. Then Erika & Derek saw us again, with Freddie's arm around me, & they were like 'whoaa O_O' But I was like ' No! We're not!' Haha. & We hugged right in front of them & they went crazy. LMFAO. That was the highlight of my day, getting weird people to think weird things :) LOL.

Oou. & My dad thinks I have an eatting disorder :) Since I don't eat anything in the morning but like half a cup of Orange Juice. & During Lunch I only eat that freaking Meatball Subway that's so damn good with the melted cheese. MMMMM.<33 & Hot Cheetos at times(: Then I don't eat anything 'till the next day lunch. LOL. & He thought I was developing a disroder. So he made me eat dinner. & Afterwards he was like, 'it's good isn't it?' LOL. Hahaha. I love my dad.<3

History test tomorrow ! ): Damn. I have to get an A to maintain an A in there. LOL. I can't believe I have a freaking A in there -_- I used to have a B, how pathetic for me ): Ugh. & I got a B in my English Benchmark too! WHEN ALL THE QUESTIONS WERE THE SAME AS THE TEST I GOT AN 'A' IN ): Damn school.

Ew. I hate that girl who keeps thinking she's something when she's not. It's like, nigga please. You needa back the fuck off & get a fucking life 'cuz it's irking me. Ugh. I swear, if I could.. Nigga'd be like BAM. :)

Well off to procrastinate & go studdyyy . ]:< Wack.
P.s. I love Chris<3

:)

Today was a lot better than yesterday. It wasn't as cold either (:
Throughout the whole day, people around me & my teachers kept talking about suicide & cutting. LOL. How ironic & depressing.
Btw. Broke my friendship with Wu today. 'Cuz she didn't even remember how long we've known each other): & She doesn't believe me when I, her supposed ' best friend ' , told her I got my permit back in December. LOL She thinks I'm playing some prank on her. Hahah. Imma pwn her tomorrow >:) [Btw, we didn't really stop being best friends. It's a joke.]

I've realized that the first day is the hardest. It's like getting addicted to a drug & the first day without it is like severest withdrawal. Today was easier :) Got used to it a bit, I suppose.

& I just want to thank: Wu. Lee. Josh. Nancy. Michelle. Annie. Chuckie. Will. & Every one else who's listened to my countless stories, given me advice [even though I don't listen to it most of the time] , & helped me along the way with err'thing I've done / tried to do<3

But Imma go do homework now. So tired & I still have Math left):
Got a 90% on my History Test & a 93% on English Emily Dickinson Test! Woo(:

:/

For a long time, I haven't been in the best mood. I'd be moody, serious, or depressed. At times, I'd have my occasional happy bursts when friends made me happy<3 But overall, I was a wreck.

But now, I'm starting to scare myself. I find myself wanting to go back to old habits I quit a couple years ago, 'cuz I knew they'd get me nowhere. & I notice that I'm more willing to put myself in more risky situations. But over all of that, I scare myself with the thoughts I'm starting to think.
Well. I don't know. It's hard to get it out on words.
I've been thinking about it a lot, but I don't actually think I'll do it. But then again who knows. I didn't think me & Christina could actually jaywalk across the busy 4-lane intersection, but we did.
If I actually do accomplish it, I just want to say sorry in advance; for being a disappointment to my family&friends.

[Don't ask me what it is, I won't tell you.]

-------------------------------------------------------

Thank you Annie&Chuckie for helping me <3

Okay so.

Like I said before; don't read this shit if you think you're gonn' come bitching to me about it. Noone's making you read it & I'm not telling you to read it.

Today was SO cold. I was shaking so badly all throughout the day. & For dance I only have shorts for uniform. & The wind was so strong & the rain was going everywhere. Me & Christina powerwalked with the quickness to the Dance Room. Then it started hailing! o_o Rain reminds me of my Baby<3 When he first used to come down here before he went back to Texas, he would meet me at Christina's house & we'd go walking to some corner, or random sidewalk area. & We'd sit down & cuddle 'cuz it was so damn cold. Lol. Then one time it started raining. & I was like 'Baby! It's raining.' & He said 'It's getting harder!' Or maybe it was the other way around. But it was cute<3 So the rain always reminds me of him :) Blah. I mis him ):

I know that me & Chris have had so many issues for the past couple of weeks. & We didn't really agree on anything & everything. So last night I told him I gave up. & He said that he'd call me. So we talked, but all it led to was more fighting. But I knew that he wasn't able to give up & let us go; If he did, he wouldn't have stayed on the phone with me. We were both bitches to each other; but we could see past the strong fronts we put up in front of each other. We could see what the other was actually trying to say.
The phone call didn't lead to anything. & I talked to him on Aim. He spilled his heart out to me & said sorry for everything. & He promised me something<3 & We made a deal. So Bitch, try to break it & we'll see what happens. [No, I'm not referring to Chris when I say 'Bitch'.] & He called me this morning, randomly, before my school started.. Just to tell me that he loves me & that he hopes I have a good day :) It made me haaappy<3

Anyways. Imma go now.
Hi Wu!(: & Yay! I'm getting fried rice soon. :)

Ps. That one girl is irking the shit outta me. She needs to back the fuck off & stop being so damn immature about every little thing. I can't even talk reasonably or rationally to her. Damn. I fucking pity her. But whatever. I'm gonn' just forget about her pathetic ass. 'Cuz she doesn't amount to shit. :)

Don't forget ! This is my blog, not your's. I can write whatever I want & you can interpret it in any way you want. But don't come bitching at me or developing hatred feelings from what I say, ESPECIALLY since I don't name names & that would just mean that you, the reader, would be assuming shit & being immature about things :) Soo, calm the fuck down & don't read this shit if you don't want to.

Yknow what.

This is MY Blogspot. Nobody told ANYBODY to fucking read it. This is how i VENT easily so my BEST FRIENDS can read & understand what I'm going through instead of me having to tell them. So I'm bound to talk about shit that's going on with my life in here. & I'm BOUND to talk shit about the people I don't like in here. But it's none of your gahdamn business. I didn't tell you to read it; you decided to read it yourself. So don't go coming at me bitching about the shit I write in here. 'Cuz it's MYY Blogspot.
Dyou get that ?
It's my Blogspot. I write what I want to write. If you choose to read, then fine, read. But don't come bitching at me about it 'cuz it's how I choose to vent. So if you think you're gonna start shit ; then get the FUCK off this page.

LAKSDJALKJ

FIGURES that I'd be sitting here, in front of the damn computer, blogging about it @ 4:01 in the morning. Ugh. But wtf is there to say. I mean, it's not like I ask for all your time. But I can't even gahdamn talk to you on the phone for over 5 minutes, unless YOU decide that you want to sleep with me. We don't even text continuously throughout the whole day. You go & do what you please, & I'm stuck here hoping that I get to talk to you today.
But honestly? What the FUCK did I do to deserve this from you? Gahdamn. EVERYTHING's ahead of me in your life.

e v e r y f u c k i n g l i t t l e t h i n g.

& I'm just a game to you. You get with me & break up with me whenever you please, WITHOUT ME EVEN FUCKING KNOWING. So much for all the damn promises.

OH RIGHT! You're the one who said 'Promises are made to be broken.'

So yknow what ? I PROMISE that I'll stay in your life. HAH.
Shit.

----------------------------------------------------------
Mmkay. So it's 2:11 & I'm back, to vent, AGAIN. Lalala.
Hm. So I think we broke up. You can never tell, 'cuz he's so gahdamn bipolar. He said to me once ' You don't know what you want . ' But hey! Now it's the other way around. HE doesn't know what he wants. I hate how I'm always venting about stupid shit that doesn't get fixed ; I hate how I don't even know if I'm with someone or not; & I hate how everything is right now. Hm.
I remember the day, on November 22nd, when he came down for the first time. We got lost on the way to the movie theater, but then it was fun watching Twilight :] Then we went to my house, 'cuz family went out to eat for this funeral thing. & He stayed for a long time. I was haaappy. But I didn't say yes when he asked me out then. 'Cuz I still had commitment & trust issues.
Then on November 24th, he came down with Annie. & We eventually got to sitting next to the stop sign. He asked me again, but I said I'd answer by the sixth car. Truthfully, I didn't know what to say. I wanted to, but at the same time I didn't. I should've gone with my gut instinct, but I said 'yeah' instead. Ugh.
After this whole journey. It's gotten to the point where. Yeah, I love him. Yeah, we've been through hell & back with this relationship. & Yeah, we've almost given up. We were 99.99999999 of a way there.
But I don't even know about now. 'Cuz the sad thing is ; I don't even know what's going on in my own relationship. ._.

On a brighter note, I get to see Ry in a week<3

blah

Today I went to my neice's 1st year birthday party. It was at the Onami Buffet in Torrance. Eh, the food wasn't that great, but it was nice to spend time with family.. 'till my stomach started hurting. Then I wanted to get the fuck outta there. Hah. Uhm. There was a balloon man there. I stood in line with my lil cousin, TWICE, to get a balloon thingy ): Shit. I felt so gahdamn immature. But I love those! They're cute. I got a turtle & a heart with a heart in it. They're cute, 'cept the turtle doesn't look like a turtle so uhh. I love my little cousins & especially my nephew Justin. He's so adorable & so far I'm his favorite cousin on his dad's side. Hahah. & When I say 'Justin! Where's my hug ?!' He comes & gives me a big hug. Then I say ' Where's my kiss ?! ' & He kisses me on the cheek. x] Haha. He makes me happy, in a non-pedophilic kind of way.

Then went to mom's store. There's a new nail salon opening 2 stores away. Got a manicure with my sister. We got white tips; the ones where the nails are fake & they just glue it & shit. & They put a lot of polish on it to make it look cool. If one of 'em fall off by the end of this week. Imma get pissed. -_- Then went home & watched "The Fog" with the sister. It's stupid.

There's this one person who bugs me all the damn time. Like, what the fuck. How dyou not get the point ?! Ugh. I don't want to mention names, or specific situations, 'cuz they're nosy enough to read this shit too. Wack.

So I don't get how he has the time to go hang out with every gahdamn friend he has on this planet, or how he has the time to fix every fucking friendship he has that messed up. But he doesn't have time to talk to me on the phone. When was the last time me & him talked ?! Probably like two weeks ago. Shit. We used to talk everyday, from 9 - 11. Or even past 11, with me hoping my dad won't come in. & We used to sleep on the phone everyday. But then now it's just. I'm just there. & When he feels like it, he calls me 'cuz he wants me to sleep with him. Gahd. This relationship is going nowhere. I fucking feel like I'm here for no gahdamn reason. Nothing goes right. I just want to scream & kick & break shit -_- The good thing, though, is that I'm losing interest. I didn't even think about him at all during the movie or during the family gathering at the birthday party. FINALLY HE'S GETTING OUT OF MY HEAD. Ugh. I hate this. We don't fix shit. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.

Here goes ANOTHER fucking night without talking to his ass.
FUCK THIS.

TGIF

So today during Math while I was taking the test, I fell asleep halfway through. LOL. Then I thought I heard a weird noise that I made & it startled me to wake up. -_- Lame, I know. But it was freaking hilarious.

Last night, Will stayed up with me 'till almost 2 while I was doing my stupid Dickinson Packet. It was entertaining, we had a poem fight. & I won :) So Will, if you ever read this one day, thanks for staying up with me :) You're the first person who's actually gone out of their way to keep me company.

Anyways, IT RAINED! Freaking froze my ass off during Lunch. & Those immature freshman or sophomores, whatever, were throwing chips over; so I went to yell at them. Gahd, fucking bugss. Then after school, Lee & I started to walk home 'cuz we didn't want to freeze our asses off at school while waiting for the bus. But then Josh texted me & asked if I was going home, & that he wanted to go to Tea Rush 'cuz we had plans. So Lee & I waited for Josh. He eventually came with Andy; then we walked down the hill again to Josh's car. Then; gas > dropped Andy off. We saw a coyote! So Josh drove back to look for it, but it disappeared): But then he decided to keep driving since we had a lot of time to kill 'till 7. We tried to get 'lost', but there were no twisting roads. Hah. Christina got out of the car & started to drive, while Josh sat in the passenger seat.

'Christina! There's a car!'
*Turns all the way around ' WHERE?! '

[Inside joke.] Thenn, went to Tea Rush; got Josh & me large aquamarines + boba; walked to HMart 'cuz Josh had to pee; walked to Josh's car; & went to Christina's house; watched CSI :) wooo. & Josh scared me ):< That faghole. Then it was POURINGG when I left her house to get in my mom's car. & Right now, Josh is probably having the time of his life listening to Justo Lamas :] Hah. Today was fun. A lot of good memories just fooling around doing nothing. Being pathetic Diamond Bar kids with nothing to do in town ): We should've gone to movies, but Josh couldn't stand ditching Kathleen 'cuz he's too nice.

On the other hand, the same person I'm losing trust in is going behind my back & doing shit. & I don't trust her AT ALL now. Woww, how you gonn' play me like that? Fucker, thinking I wouldn't know. You came to me that one day, spilling all that bullshit about that one person; got me thinking like damn. She's gonn' stick with this one. But then you're gonn' go back on what you said & try to go after someone else? You're really starting to piss me off & Imma explode on you one day. Just wait & see.

Fuck the bitches.

Ps. YAY! I don't have to stay up late doing shit anymore. At least not for two days :)

o_o

Blogspot reminds me of Xanga. & I remember it used to be a craze: who could get the most subscribers, what comments we get, & if we get kudos with the comments. Lol. Good memories. Anyways. If you don't want to know how I feel or if you're gonna go assuming shit by what I say, or if you're gonna go off & get pissed off by what I say in here, or future blogs, don't read it. 'Cuz I especially don't want shit about Blogspot. Wack.

Blah. I'm tired. I slept so late last night studying for Bio test that I think I failed anyways.
& The first thing I want to say, is that I lost trust in her. I used to go to her for my problems. But how're you going to go behind my back & say shit that isn't even true? How're you going to go & tell the person what I said? Fuck that. I'm not going to go to you for my issues anymore. I can't even trust you to keep your mouth quiet. & Even if you didn't, I still doubt you 'cuz of how you used to feel.

By the way, don't go questioning shit wondering if it's you. & Don't ask me who it is unless your name is Catherine Wu or Christina Lee or Joshua Adams.

So yesterday was interesting. After school, me & Lee & Adams & Nancy were standing around talking & joking around. Then I think me & Christina pulled our "Ouu Stt" thing & he started walking away towards the front, lol. Then Josh started walking to his car & I started freaking out 'cuz I didn't think he actually drove to & from school. Hah. Me & Christina followed him down Pathfinder Hill & he tried to trick us with where his car was, since we had no idea what it looked like. But in the end, we guessed right(: even though it was like the 4th guess, hah. He almost ran jaywalking across the street 'cuz he wanted to trick us -_- wack. Then he gave us a ride to Tea Rush only if we promised to get him a drink(: He likes what I like! Aquamarine w/ Boba. Then we saw Ashton & chilled there 'till Chris came with Annie. I wasn't having the best day yesterday. I was really bitchy, & NO I'm not Pmsing. Shiit, the week that I'm super nice is the week I Pms. Lol. Then things went downhill with Chris & Annie 'cuz they thought I was being a bitch. It's just. I don't like being with Chris when Annie's there , or being with Annie when Chris is there. It's not that I have a problem with their friendship or with them hanging out together. I just feel hella left out. They talk in Viet in front of me, so when it's just the three of us I'm just sitting or standing there thinking like "Uhm." But whatever, I'll try to learn Viet one day? Well, the best part of yesterday was the Tea Rush & the 6-pack Burger thing from BK that I put my fingers all over. Hahaha, Lee & Adams ate it anyways. Ugh, then the smoking shit, parking lot drama, Lee's house, & the whatevers departure. I. Hate. Seeing. Chris. Walk. Away. Like. That. But my sister said she was going to pick me up from Lee's house & she just got off the freeway. Considering the fact that the freeway is a 2 minute drive to Lee's house, I couldn't go outside & be seen with them. Or else my cover that I was doing a dance project would've been blown. Shiit. I regretted just standing there when he walked out though.. Whatever. It's done with & over now.

Right now, I'm at the part of the relationship where either way it goes, it'd be whatevers. I mean, we've fallen harder & gotten back up stronger than ever, but Idk this time just feels different. Ugh. I know what people say, I know what I say & what I think about when I get pissed off. But I can't just let Chris go. It's like that fucking song,

"Everytime I try to leave
something keeps pulling me back, me back
telling me I need you in my life"

Gaaaahd. Like, I don't even know how to explain it. If you knew me back when I was with Siean, you knew how much I felt for him & how depressed I was when we broke up. But Chris, my feelings for Chris go 120938201398 x past what I used to feel for Siean. Idk why but it's like that. I mean, if you think about it, we've been through so much. Chris liked other people, I liked a different person, we both have HEEEELLLLLAAA flaws that bug the other, & we're so different. But we've stuck through with it this far. 2 months & 12 days, it seems like an eternity to me. Honestly, I thought this would be a whatever relationship. We'd get together, fight, break up, then move on while still staying Guhguh&Meimei. But somewhere along the way: through the fights, the time we spent 22/48 hours together that weekend, through the times Chris came, & all the memories ... I fell. I've never felt so strongly for anybody, ever. I've never cried over someone's health, only my family. I especially didn't stick through so much shit for one person. Ugh.

A part of me knows that somewhere deep down, Chris still cares. He told me that he's still in love with me, not as much as he used to be but it's still there. But Idk. If you cared.. wouldn't you be trying to fix the problems we have? Wouldn't you be on the phone with me right now instead of ignoring me on Aim? You told me yourself that you want to fix the problems, you said that we'd talk later on during the day to fix everything. But you.. don't. So Idk where to go from here.

So now I'm going to go back to my 100 questions for English, that I have yet to do, while replaying stupid love songs on Itunes, trying to figure out where I should go from here.