Saturdays

are such boring / lazy days for me. Didn't go to korean school in the morning 'cuz I wasn't feeling too good. I'm still congested, my nose sucks, & my throat hurts. On top of that, I cough at random times & I need to sneeze but it's not coming out ):< Hm. Watched a lot of NCIS / Burn Notice on USA today<3 But the only thing I accomplished was to clean my room. Hah.

Cut myself today ): 3 times & I don't even know how I got 2 of 'em. I cut my left pinkie when I was trying to pick up the trash bag thingy & I, literally, sliced it against this plastic, blue folder thing. It hurt like a lil' ASDFGHJKL; Then when I was doing the dishes, my left middle finger & the right side of my right hand started stinging. ): Gay.

Only good thing's that I got to talk to Ry today on the phone, after like, dayss. Hah. We were both playfully yelling at each other, but we were both sick. So we were coughing every other word. LOL. Like 'you're *COUGH gay *COUGH' . :) Then I said it's funny how we're both yelling & coughing; then we started laughing / coughing. LOL.

Congested.

Yesterdayy. Hm. Stayed after school with Lee for C/O 2010 poster painting for the Performing Arts Rally. But after like an hour, we got hungry & walked down to Burger King w/ Dominic. I accidentally took Derek's IPhone wit' me, but he said I could keep it & give it to him the day after. So I was haaappy. I love the IPhone, 'cept when you have to type something. -__- Got a whopper at BK, got picked up Dominic's mom, & went back to painting. Whenever the whole group got finished painting something, we basically had to cross campus to get it inside the gym. Then we had to worry about hanging it up. Wack. It was interesting though? Me & Christina were gonn' climb the bleachers to get up & hang the class poster. But thought it was too dangerous. Lol. So basically we were outside 'till like 9 ? & I got sicker):

Woke up this morning w/ a funny feeling. Blah. Rally today. Screamed my head off for Homom/Greg's performance & All Male Dance Crew. Oh & for juniors. We lost to sophomores -_- Wack. & Fucking freshmen won the poster contest. GAY. But only 'cuz one junior helped 'em draw it out . Traitor. Ugh. Afterwards, chilled at school w/ Christina, Josh, & Kathleen. Then Josh drove us over to HMart Area. We walked to Starbucks, then Burger King. Ate, chilled like hobos. Walked to HMart. Me, Josh, & Kathleen went against Christina & played Hide & Go Seek. Christina took too long so we just came out. Then went to Rite Aid, bought ice cream<3 Went back to school, chilled. Me & Josh played this one weirdd game. It was fun looking like idiots though. :P Then went in the theater for Apollo Night. It wasn't as great as I thought it'd be though. Hella people were out of control; the people behind us were obnoxious; the people in front were stuck up. Grreeat. It didn't get better 'till second part though, when Josh sat next to me. So I actually had someone to talk to since Wu kept talking to Melissa. Hah. Then afterwardss. Chilled for a little after school, got ride from Christina, & went home.

& Right now, I'm feeling crappy. My throat hurts from yelling too much. & I have a worse cold than yesterday, if that makes sense. Like I feel hella congested. & I didn't even know the definition of that 'till now -_- Yesterday I woke up w/ a bloody nose & had a bloody nose all dayy . I kept falling asleep without knowing I fall asleep. Like I'd put my head down on something, next thing I know someone's waking me up. & I'm just like ' wtf. ' & Today I feel congestedd.
Greeeeat. ):< & I've been needing to sneeze the whole day, but only sneezed once. Then 5 minutes later had to sneeze again. GREATTT. -_-

I WANT TO WATCH A MOVIE.
But I have to wait 'till March 13 -_______-

OOOU. I almost forgot(: So something totally made my day today. Me & Mike were talking. & He said something like 'I was gonna go to a club w/ my cuz & a couple friends... but then I remembered I have a gf & she wouldn't like that.' :] So he held himself backk. & Then he said something later on that was like 'I wanted to spend some time with you.'
ASDFGHJKL; Cuuuuuutie<3
I love that beanner kimchi. (:

How Depressing.

^ They're soooooooo adorable!
I have to wait 6 more days for a new episode of Boys Over Flowers ):


^ They're such cuuuuties.

So todayy . Went to school early. Failed Spanish Test. Kept falling asleep in Bio 'till Derek started tickling me, then couldn't go back to sleep . ): After school; got a ride from my best friend, Catherine's mom , & Wu. Hah :] Christina came over. We ate the ramen I cookedd. It was goood (; Then watched some of my drama - ramaa , started to work on dance choreography [didn't get far] , then camera whore / music / internet / aim / DRAMA <3 Then she had to goo . ): I felt like a fattie though. Me & her finished this whole big bag of BBQ Chips, but I ate most of it. UGH. It was so good / sugarry / salty / addicting. ):< I made fun of her friend on aim. LMFAO & Met her ' cousin ' back in MA. Anywaysss .

^ LMFAO. Mm, nothing to say.

^ We're beautiful. HAHAHA.

No Homo :] It all started when I pretended to lick her; Then SHE stuck her tongue out. HAHA.





^ I think we make cute Best Friends. Hahah.

[BTW CHRISTINA. It's not all of 'em. Well like, I sorted through 'em & shit. But the only uhmm. Kinda sorta clear ones were those up there & a few others. If you want to see the rest of 'em just askk :] 'Cuz I got 'em uploaded in a private album on Myspace.]

So today was prettty fun . :] Gained a lot of calories though. JLASKDJLAKDJL. Whatever.

BTW! In Dance I was trying to do this one move with Christina. Where she was gonn' be standing wit' her legs spread apart & I'd hold on to her & slide through. LMFAO.
Jung: Open wideee!
Lee: YOU CAN'T FIT IN THERE!
LMFAO. How homo. But like Chris said, err'one's 5% Homo.
My 5% comes out around Christina ): In a totally, I don't like her kinda way :o I don't go that way. HAH.

Kay on to homework / aim wit' Christina & the boyyfriendd, MIKE<3

BOYS OVER FLOWERS.

Ahh. That drama's my new addiction<3 I spent a LOOOOOT of time watching it. ): I didn't even study for spanish test or do english homework ! Waacccck. Anyways. I love Boys over Flowers. Omgaiii. JUNPYO / JIHOO <3

I love Mike!(:
& I love REDVINES. Omg. Nervie got me addicted):
& Christina's blog inspired me to think! ... Some more, I mean.

Kay well Dad's making me get off the computer): So no time to finish Episode 15. ASDFGHJKL;

- Juunngg .

HA HA HA.

I wanted to start off by saying. It's pathetic where our world has come to these days. What people would do for Lust & how some people look. LMFAO. Not to be fucked but , GAHD , soo frustrating. She's so ugly, the other girl's better -___- Whatever. & I know you're gonn' read this someday, my insane friend who doesn't know the definition of sexy [yes, you], keep your head up girrrrl<3 I'll be there for you(: Fuck what others say or do; you can always build yourself back up.

Lalala. I love Mike(: He makes me haaaaappy like :DDDD [minus the quadruplet chins] . He says the cutest things in the worlddd & he makes my dayss, well nights actuallyy . Mmm, I love&miss his mexican-y voice): & I loveeee how he's my kimchi & I'm his baby eggroll :P Hhahaa. <3

So so so; I'm officially falling in love w/ JunPyo in the KDrama , Boys Over Flowers. ASDFGHJKL; He's soooooooo sweet to JanDi. & F4 's freaking cute. LMFAO. I got Wu addicted & she says that JunPyo gets cuter & cuter. LMFAO. Lee's crazy for just calling them ' alright ' . Wackk.

! Today was madre's birthday. They went out for most of the day; I stayed home watching my drama-ramaaa<3 Bought her makeup with dad, then my mom&sister prepared the seafood dinner. Mom told me to go to the kitchen & eat this clam thing. & I asked jokingly, "It's dead right?" & My sister said, "Now it is." ):< I FREAKED! & Stopped chewing & kept jumping around err'where. Like THAT'SS gonn' get the disgusting-ness outta my mouth -___-x But I eventually ended up spitting it up on the floor. LOL. Nastyy .

Kay. Back to B.O.F. <3

FUUUUCK you.

I hate how Blogspot always fucks up my posts if I copy & paste something. Laaaame.

But anyways. Had final driving lesson today ! (: Wooo. Went on the freeway, but I was hella anxious. I ended up getting tired from watching every mirror, worrying about the speed limit, & alluh that shit. But at least I'm done with it now. But I gotta work on my damn turns -___-

Got into a fight wit' my sister in the morning. She was cranky that she had to wake me up & called me irresponsible -__- & I guess I didn't walk to the car 'fast enough'. So she started bitching. Then she said I go out too much when I DON'T. All I did was go to fucking Burger King yesterday & chill wit' Lee, Ho, James, Kevin, Chad, Ashton, & Trevor -__- Then she said, 'you go to the mall too much' when the last time I went was the day after Christmas / VDay. Wackk. So we kept shouting & fighting on the way to korean school for me to T.A. I even cussed at her & she said 'SHUT UP. DON'T CUSS . ' Blah blah. I got out & slammed the door. Then I spent 3 hours at korean school wit' the little brother, Harrison<3 & The other cool kidss. Like David(: So yesterday I wrote Mike a poem. Hah, 'cuz he thought I couldn't rhymee. Loser. So I proved that I could by writing him a long ass thing. He got touched(: Or so he said. But he should feel speccialll, I don't work on shit like that for so long & work so hard for just anyone. & I've neverrr ritten anyone a poem. But in the poem I put;

So just know that for the rest of my life,
I'll love you always & I'll wish to be your wife.

Then he asked, "Catherine Young Jung, will you marry me?" & Then right after he said, "If I really asked you?"
WACKKK. LMFAO. Got me all excited for nothing. Hahaha. He's hella cute though<3

* Btw. Baby, if you're reading this [even though you said you wouldn't read my blogspot anymore] , I love youu. & I like hella miss you right now. It's taking you so damn long just to sign off ):

:)

I'm getting happier. Yay :) 'Cept today some parts got me down. Like how I practically failed my Math / Bio Test. Then afterschool C/O 2010 Officials didn't have a ride for two people to go volunteer at the hockey game. So it was either I go, or Christina go. But in the end, our bestfriendship won out & we both chose not to go. Therefore, Kathleen didn't go either. But whatever. Better fucking give our money back.

But after the 'ride to hockey game' drama; Christina, Kathleen, & I stayed afterschool in front of the theatre practicing Dance :) & We saw the guys dance. They had this one routine that's so fuckin' cool. It was all fast & shit; it looked good. We needa fix up our routine though -_- Ugh.

Then we walked to Tea Rush @ around.. 5:45-ish? Lee & Ho got drinks, we met up with Ashton, then we walked over to Burger King. I bought a meal, they bought fries. Blah, blah. Then we saw .. Trevor? I think that's his name, Kathleen's 'dad'. Then we saw JAMES! I hella missed him. He eventually came over to us & sat near us, while his two friends went outside to smoke. Then Trevor & Ashton left, the two friends came back in, & we all talked. We seriously spent about 3 hours just sitting at Burger King, talking. We were the last 6 customers. Haha. But it was fun catching up & just chilling. Then James' friend bought him an Oreo Shake. OMG. It was sooo good. We all shared (: Mm. Then James said his friend would give us a ride. So at about 930, we started heading out & walked to a corner where we were gonn' get picked up. James' friends smoked on the other side of the corner ; while James waited with us :] He was hella courteous & thought about our situation. Like when his friends asked us if we wanted to smoke or if we smoked, James made it clear that we were innocent & didn't do anything like that. Then we got homee, really quickly 'cuz his friend drove fast. Haha. Then I & Kathleen chilled at Lee's house for like 30 minutes, & Kathleen's dad gave me a ride home . :)

Overall, today was hella fun. Made up for not going to the hockey game. I rebonded with old friends & got to get to know new ones :] It was pretty nervewrecking at some points, but it was funn. Hahah.

But. Dude. SHIIIIT. Someone take me to the damn movies. I've been craving movies since a couple weeks ago. ):< Gah.

So tomorrow Imma probably just t.a. for korean schoooool. Then HOPEFULLY, MOVIES ? Doubt it. Gah. ):

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If you fucked up, go back & fix it. If the person truly cared, they'd take you back. Like that one famous quote or some shit, 'if it's true love, it'll find its way back'.

!@#*&!%

Soooo. It's been 2 days since I last blogged. o_o Blah. It sucks, I keep procrastinating on homework 'till late at night. Ugh. Anyways..

Let's get one thing straight. No, I'm not sad that me & Chris broke up. It's whatevers 'cuz it was going downhill anyways. So please, don't continously ask me if I'm okay or not / what happened. Simple, things just didn't work out. & I'm over it, to the point where I don't have our pictures on my phone anymore & all the cute texts I saved are deleted. & I don't even think about him throughout the day, 'till someone brings him up. LMFAO. But yeeah. & Yes I'm proud of myself. This is the fastest I've gotten over somebody. & If he's happy right now then I'm all for it :) Well, we're not even friends anymore. Blah. Long story. Well yeah. Things will be how they be. I'm not gonn' work to make anything work anymore.

So I've learned a numerous amount of shit from various things. Likee.
1. There's no point in working hard for something you're not sure of; It eventually fails in the end. So if you see me not really give a fuck about anything, that's why :) Btw. This doesn't apply to matters that revolve around Family / Best Friends.
2. People aren't reliable. No matter how much shit people say about how much they hate liars / backstabbers, they end up being a hypocrite by becoming one of 'em. & Yeah, I'm being a hypocrite right now too. 'Cuz I have lied to people before. But I haven't lied recently, like for the past couple of months I've been completely honest.
3. Not everyone's like you. Just 'cuz you feel one way doesn't mean the other person/friend will feel the same. So you can't expect err'one to react to err'thing like you do, or for people to put in the extra effort like you would.
4. Love. It's not physical. It's an emotional attraction. Don't confuse the joy you get from doing physical things with somebody as 'Love'. Instead, it's Lust. Love can overcome distance, and the true ones can last throughout anything. No matter how many fights a couple might get into, no matter what shit tries to break 'em apart; They should stick together & battle through it together. Be understanding of each other's situations. Stay loyal & honest, always. Don't lie to make the relationship seem ' better ' . & If you two have problems, fix 'em right away. Don't prolong 'em 'cuz it'll only lead to hardships.
5. Promises aren't forever. A lot of 'em are broken, so you can't put your total faith into a promise someone makes. Honestly, I'm the type of person that if I promise something, I'll try my hardest to keep it. That's why I don't make that many promises, 'cuz I know I'm not going to be able to keep 'em all.
6. Don't judge. You don't know what others have been through. Everybody's lives are different & we've all gone through different things. A person's outter appearance & seemingly odd actions [in your opinion] shouldn't prohibit you getting to know the person. You never know, they could be the nicest person in the world.
7. Karma's a bitch, it'll come biting you back in the end. Don't work to make someone jealous, you'll just end up being the one crashing down in the end. Don't do anything bad to others, 'cuz it could happen to you. Like the Golden Rule; Do unto others the way you want others to do unto you. Or something like that . :)
8. Good friends are hard to find, so you shouldn't drift from the true ones. <- So true. I'm glad I have Christina Lee / Catherine Wu / Joshua Adams / Nancy Tran / Ry Aurelio / Mike Ramirez. I have other friends. But they're the ones who come first, before err'one else. Imma always keep 'em in my life & try my best to not drift. Even if we do lose contact, get into fights, break some trust ; I'll always & forever keep 'em in my Life through the hard, & the good times. Promise. 9. Hope. Yeah, it's always good to have hope as motivation/inspiration to follow through with a dream. But don't contain too much Hope in something you know that'll fail, or even something you have doubts in. But then again, don't have too many doubts. If you do, you won't live life to the fullest & you'll always be contained in a little shell.
10. Accept err'one for how they are. Don't hold someone's personality against 'em. I guess this goes for the Judgement one too, but yeah. Err'body's different. We shouldn't even hold their appearances against them. If they're good-hearted people, we should look past the rough exterior for the better interior. :]

Weelll. At least that's all I can remember now :) Hah. & Yeaaah. I realize alluh that up there, but it doesn't necessarily mean I keep 'em in mind as I live Life. I try to though. I feel mature. (; But then again, I could be immature for saying that? ._. Lol. If you disagree wit' anything I put up there, I'm sorry. But that's your opinion & these are mine.

So school's a drag. I have two tests, again, on the same day. -___- In the two hardest subjects too, Bio & Math. But at least Imma go volunteer at the Hockey Game this Friday :) Woo. I wann' go to movies! Ugh. I've been wanting to go so badly, someone go with me ):

I keep having my nightmares. :/ I hate 'em. I don't even know what makes 'em so scary, but they freak me out. They make me not want to go back to sleep when I wake up in the middle of the night. So I try to sleep late, so that I won't have nightmares. But then when I doo sleep late, I end up being cranky & I wake up on the wrong side of the bed the next morning. Wackk .

I'm trying to change myself into a better person :) 'Cuz I know others think of me as their good friends, & I don't really reciprocate the feelings. Butt, I'm tryna be there for err'one who makes an effort to talk to me. & I'm proud to say that now, people are coming to me instead of me going to them. (: Partially 'cuz I have no problems to go to 'em forrr, but yeah. & I'm trying to be a nicer person, without flaring my angry temper side. & I'm actually getting to know the people in my Myspace Fams; Btw, I muhh'fucking lovee FRESHKREW<3 style="text-align: center;">07: im writting a verse for a friend
07: to declare is love to this chick
07: his*
x: why don`t YOU declare your love to me ? :o
07: i have declared my love towards u...u just dont take it
x: i took it & put it in mu pocket
07: nice
07: put it down there
x: *my
x: hahahah
x: i`m saving it for a rainy day
07: what u gonna do with it?
x: what could i do with it ?
07: ...
x: okay let`s put it this way
x: i love you
x: ^ i declared my love for you :]
x: what`re you gonna do with it ?
07: declare it back?
07: i love you

Cute(: Hahah. & I love how we don't have a physical attraction. Well duh we wouldn't, 'cuz we don't see each other in person. But still. We can talk for hours & I'd stay up late for him anyday. We can talk about anything & err'thing . No matter what we talk about, the convo doesn't get awkward or uncomfortable. He's always been there for me throughout the 5/6 years I've known him. No matter what has happened, or how far we seemed to have drifted; We always found our way back to being in each other's lives. If we actually lived in reasonable distance, We'd make a cute couple :) Like he says, we'd be like . (-.-) (o-o) Chink & Beaner. LMFAO. Hahah. Idk. It might be just a temporary infatuation 'cuz it most, but I just wanted to write it in here, so I can look back when I read old posts & reminisce.

There. I let go of all the thoughts I kept in my mind. Hahaha. I think Imma go work on my Math now. But ugh ): I'm sick. Like throat hurts / runny nose kinda sick. So I'm sniffling all the damn time -___- & I can't breathe ! LAAAME . Aiite well I'm gonee. <3

Blah.

Today Chris with his girlfriend & her boyfriend came up here. Got hella nervous so brought Christina along. Chris was already pissed off about some shit, & wouldn't tell me about it. So we just ended up sitting there at Burger King, 'till he decided to walk out. Then me & Christina decided to walk to Tea Rush. I knew Chris was mad about something, so I bought him an aquamarine. Uhm. Then when we got out, he had walked one way. & Crystal had followed him. So all 3 of us were basically following him around -_- Then he sat down where the old movie theater used to be. & I sat with him. But we didn't even talk. & It just led to an argument. In the end, me & Christina ended up walking home. Well, we went 1/8 of a way there & it started raining hella. So we went to go look to buy an umbrella from Rite Aid / HMart. But we didn't see any. So we just went our way. Thank God it stopped raining & we made it home in 45 minutes. Woo. She cleaned, I went on her computer. Then I came home.

I ended up getting sick ): Right when I got better too. Damn.

Anyways. I miss err'body from school & Mike.
Didn't even finish homework. Shiiit.
PIGGY PIGGGGYYY .
LMFAO.

Today;

Was freaking fantastic :)
In the morning I had to T.a. for korean school. But it was all good 'cuz I got to see Harrison & talk to him :) Then I had to go to freaking tutor. But I only got the extra credit, waited for my mom, then left. Then my mom & I went to Burger King & bought a meal for me. I ate it hella fast then went on the driving lesson with my instructor.
It was funnn. I speed. ): I don't know how to control it, blah. & Too much shit to look around at. & My turns suck. I don't 'complete them smoothly' , or so he says. & He calls me ' speeding girl ' & that he wouldn't give me a car if I were my parents. LOL. But he's freaking hilarious :) I scared him when I turned too fast & almost ran into a car. LOL.
Then I got home. Uhmm. Tried driving down to Christina's house with my mom's car. But my mom freaked out & almost got a heart attack on the way there. So I got out & she drove -_- Wack! Then waited at Lee's house for 10-15 minutes & went to the Brea Mall when Kathleen & her dad picked us up. :]
@ The mall, we went allllll around. Kathleen bought a white dress for the Breast Cancer thing she's going to with Lee tomorrow, & I bought a new shirt from Aero. I don't know if I like it o_o But Kathleen & Christina said I should get it. LOL When Kathleen was paying for her dress; it was $32.15 & Kathleen gave the lady $30.25 , thinking it was correct. LMFAO. Freaking hilarious. Then we got approached by 3 guys from school asking us to help their band. Then this lady, a talent scout person or whatever, approached us 'cuz we had a 'good look.' LOL. @ Least those creepy guys from Ontario Mills weren't there. Hahah. Then we went to the Food Court & ateee. Then took pictures & chilled there 'till Christina's parents came to pick us up. :)
Afterwards, we all went to Christina's house to practice the dance, since the first showing's on Wednesday. Damn. We're almost done with it thoughh :) We only have to do a minute or so of Girlfight & we're finished. Wooooo. All 3 of us were beattt though. & We left her house at 10:15 PM.

Anywayss. I was happy today :) Christina&Kathleen picked me back up & made everything alright. [No homo.] I talked to Karl again today. Yayy. He's my teddy bear :)<3 Then I got Will as my Valentine :] I bonded more with Chuckie, & I got my Guhguh Chris back. Wooo.

But on top of err'thing. I get to see Ry tomorrow ! :D
So imma go.
Waste my time on the computer, then get ready to sleep, then sleeeep. Hopefully I'll get Guhguh to sleep with me): 'Cuz I hate my nightmares.

Damn.

Wu needs to stop staring at my Blogspot & giving me so many damn profile views. :)

Mm. Today was colld!): Shit. I have my spanish presentation tomorrow. Blah. I don't know the stupid vocab. I used on there too! I used Babelfish[x Hah. So every day after 5th, Freddie walks me to 6th Period Bio @ Dr. EQ's . & Sometimes he puts his arm around me & We hug, but I don't really think much about it. But Jotham saw us & was like O_o or whatever you call that weird look he has, the one with the big smile on his face. LOL. Then Erika & Derek saw us again, with Freddie's arm around me, & they were like 'whoaa O_O' But I was like ' No! We're not!' Haha. & We hugged right in front of them & they went crazy. LMFAO. That was the highlight of my day, getting weird people to think weird things :) LOL.

Oou. & My dad thinks I have an eatting disorder :) Since I don't eat anything in the morning but like half a cup of Orange Juice. & During Lunch I only eat that freaking Meatball Subway that's so damn good with the melted cheese. MMMMM.<33 & Hot Cheetos at times(: Then I don't eat anything 'till the next day lunch. LOL. & He thought I was developing a disroder. So he made me eat dinner. & Afterwards he was like, 'it's good isn't it?' LOL. Hahaha. I love my dad.<3

History test tomorrow ! ): Damn. I have to get an A to maintain an A in there. LOL. I can't believe I have a freaking A in there -_- I used to have a B, how pathetic for me ): Ugh. & I got a B in my English Benchmark too! WHEN ALL THE QUESTIONS WERE THE SAME AS THE TEST I GOT AN 'A' IN ): Damn school.

Ew. I hate that girl who keeps thinking she's something when she's not. It's like, nigga please. You needa back the fuck off & get a fucking life 'cuz it's irking me. Ugh. I swear, if I could.. Nigga'd be like BAM. :)

Well off to procrastinate & go studdyyy . ]:< Wack.
P.s. I love Chris<3

:)

Today was a lot better than yesterday. It wasn't as cold either (:
Throughout the whole day, people around me & my teachers kept talking about suicide & cutting. LOL. How ironic & depressing.
Btw. Broke my friendship with Wu today. 'Cuz she didn't even remember how long we've known each other): & She doesn't believe me when I, her supposed ' best friend ' , told her I got my permit back in December. LOL She thinks I'm playing some prank on her. Hahah. Imma pwn her tomorrow >:) [Btw, we didn't really stop being best friends. It's a joke.]

I've realized that the first day is the hardest. It's like getting addicted to a drug & the first day without it is like severest withdrawal. Today was easier :) Got used to it a bit, I suppose.

& I just want to thank: Wu. Lee. Josh. Nancy. Michelle. Annie. Chuckie. Will. & Every one else who's listened to my countless stories, given me advice [even though I don't listen to it most of the time] , & helped me along the way with err'thing I've done / tried to do<3

But Imma go do homework now. So tired & I still have Math left):
Got a 90% on my History Test & a 93% on English Emily Dickinson Test! Woo(:

:/

For a long time, I haven't been in the best mood. I'd be moody, serious, or depressed. At times, I'd have my occasional happy bursts when friends made me happy<3 But overall, I was a wreck.

But now, I'm starting to scare myself. I find myself wanting to go back to old habits I quit a couple years ago, 'cuz I knew they'd get me nowhere. & I notice that I'm more willing to put myself in more risky situations. But over all of that, I scare myself with the thoughts I'm starting to think.
Well. I don't know. It's hard to get it out on words.
I've been thinking about it a lot, but I don't actually think I'll do it. But then again who knows. I didn't think me & Christina could actually jaywalk across the busy 4-lane intersection, but we did.
If I actually do accomplish it, I just want to say sorry in advance; for being a disappointment to my family&friends.

[Don't ask me what it is, I won't tell you.]

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Thank you Annie&Chuckie for helping me <3

Okay so.

Like I said before; don't read this shit if you think you're gonn' come bitching to me about it. Noone's making you read it & I'm not telling you to read it.

Today was SO cold. I was shaking so badly all throughout the day. & For dance I only have shorts for uniform. & The wind was so strong & the rain was going everywhere. Me & Christina powerwalked with the quickness to the Dance Room. Then it started hailing! o_o Rain reminds me of my Baby<3 When he first used to come down here before he went back to Texas, he would meet me at Christina's house & we'd go walking to some corner, or random sidewalk area. & We'd sit down & cuddle 'cuz it was so damn cold. Lol. Then one time it started raining. & I was like 'Baby! It's raining.' & He said 'It's getting harder!' Or maybe it was the other way around. But it was cute<3 So the rain always reminds me of him :) Blah. I mis him ):

I know that me & Chris have had so many issues for the past couple of weeks. & We didn't really agree on anything & everything. So last night I told him I gave up. & He said that he'd call me. So we talked, but all it led to was more fighting. But I knew that he wasn't able to give up & let us go; If he did, he wouldn't have stayed on the phone with me. We were both bitches to each other; but we could see past the strong fronts we put up in front of each other. We could see what the other was actually trying to say.
The phone call didn't lead to anything. & I talked to him on Aim. He spilled his heart out to me & said sorry for everything. & He promised me something<3 & We made a deal. So Bitch, try to break it & we'll see what happens. [No, I'm not referring to Chris when I say 'Bitch'.] & He called me this morning, randomly, before my school started.. Just to tell me that he loves me & that he hopes I have a good day :) It made me haaappy<3

Anyways. Imma go now.
Hi Wu!(: & Yay! I'm getting fried rice soon. :)

Ps. That one girl is irking the shit outta me. She needs to back the fuck off & stop being so damn immature about every little thing. I can't even talk reasonably or rationally to her. Damn. I fucking pity her. But whatever. I'm gonn' just forget about her pathetic ass. 'Cuz she doesn't amount to shit. :)

Don't forget ! This is my blog, not your's. I can write whatever I want & you can interpret it in any way you want. But don't come bitching at me or developing hatred feelings from what I say, ESPECIALLY since I don't name names & that would just mean that you, the reader, would be assuming shit & being immature about things :) Soo, calm the fuck down & don't read this shit if you don't want to.

Yknow what.

This is MY Blogspot. Nobody told ANYBODY to fucking read it. This is how i VENT easily so my BEST FRIENDS can read & understand what I'm going through instead of me having to tell them. So I'm bound to talk about shit that's going on with my life in here. & I'm BOUND to talk shit about the people I don't like in here. But it's none of your gahdamn business. I didn't tell you to read it; you decided to read it yourself. So don't go coming at me bitching about the shit I write in here. 'Cuz it's MYY Blogspot.
Dyou get that ?
It's my Blogspot. I write what I want to write. If you choose to read, then fine, read. But don't come bitching at me about it 'cuz it's how I choose to vent. So if you think you're gonna start shit ; then get the FUCK off this page.

LAKSDJALKJ

FIGURES that I'd be sitting here, in front of the damn computer, blogging about it @ 4:01 in the morning. Ugh. But wtf is there to say. I mean, it's not like I ask for all your time. But I can't even gahdamn talk to you on the phone for over 5 minutes, unless YOU decide that you want to sleep with me. We don't even text continuously throughout the whole day. You go & do what you please, & I'm stuck here hoping that I get to talk to you today.
But honestly? What the FUCK did I do to deserve this from you? Gahdamn. EVERYTHING's ahead of me in your life.

e v e r y f u c k i n g l i t t l e t h i n g.

& I'm just a game to you. You get with me & break up with me whenever you please, WITHOUT ME EVEN FUCKING KNOWING. So much for all the damn promises.

OH RIGHT! You're the one who said 'Promises are made to be broken.'

So yknow what ? I PROMISE that I'll stay in your life. HAH.
Shit.

----------------------------------------------------------
Mmkay. So it's 2:11 & I'm back, to vent, AGAIN. Lalala.
Hm. So I think we broke up. You can never tell, 'cuz he's so gahdamn bipolar. He said to me once ' You don't know what you want . ' But hey! Now it's the other way around. HE doesn't know what he wants. I hate how I'm always venting about stupid shit that doesn't get fixed ; I hate how I don't even know if I'm with someone or not; & I hate how everything is right now. Hm.
I remember the day, on November 22nd, when he came down for the first time. We got lost on the way to the movie theater, but then it was fun watching Twilight :] Then we went to my house, 'cuz family went out to eat for this funeral thing. & He stayed for a long time. I was haaappy. But I didn't say yes when he asked me out then. 'Cuz I still had commitment & trust issues.
Then on November 24th, he came down with Annie. & We eventually got to sitting next to the stop sign. He asked me again, but I said I'd answer by the sixth car. Truthfully, I didn't know what to say. I wanted to, but at the same time I didn't. I should've gone with my gut instinct, but I said 'yeah' instead. Ugh.
After this whole journey. It's gotten to the point where. Yeah, I love him. Yeah, we've been through hell & back with this relationship. & Yeah, we've almost given up. We were 99.99999999 of a way there.
But I don't even know about now. 'Cuz the sad thing is ; I don't even know what's going on in my own relationship. ._.

On a brighter note, I get to see Ry in a week<3

blah

Today I went to my neice's 1st year birthday party. It was at the Onami Buffet in Torrance. Eh, the food wasn't that great, but it was nice to spend time with family.. 'till my stomach started hurting. Then I wanted to get the fuck outta there. Hah. Uhm. There was a balloon man there. I stood in line with my lil cousin, TWICE, to get a balloon thingy ): Shit. I felt so gahdamn immature. But I love those! They're cute. I got a turtle & a heart with a heart in it. They're cute, 'cept the turtle doesn't look like a turtle so uhh. I love my little cousins & especially my nephew Justin. He's so adorable & so far I'm his favorite cousin on his dad's side. Hahah. & When I say 'Justin! Where's my hug ?!' He comes & gives me a big hug. Then I say ' Where's my kiss ?! ' & He kisses me on the cheek. x] Haha. He makes me happy, in a non-pedophilic kind of way.

Then went to mom's store. There's a new nail salon opening 2 stores away. Got a manicure with my sister. We got white tips; the ones where the nails are fake & they just glue it & shit. & They put a lot of polish on it to make it look cool. If one of 'em fall off by the end of this week. Imma get pissed. -_- Then went home & watched "The Fog" with the sister. It's stupid.

There's this one person who bugs me all the damn time. Like, what the fuck. How dyou not get the point ?! Ugh. I don't want to mention names, or specific situations, 'cuz they're nosy enough to read this shit too. Wack.

So I don't get how he has the time to go hang out with every gahdamn friend he has on this planet, or how he has the time to fix every fucking friendship he has that messed up. But he doesn't have time to talk to me on the phone. When was the last time me & him talked ?! Probably like two weeks ago. Shit. We used to talk everyday, from 9 - 11. Or even past 11, with me hoping my dad won't come in. & We used to sleep on the phone everyday. But then now it's just. I'm just there. & When he feels like it, he calls me 'cuz he wants me to sleep with him. Gahd. This relationship is going nowhere. I fucking feel like I'm here for no gahdamn reason. Nothing goes right. I just want to scream & kick & break shit -_- The good thing, though, is that I'm losing interest. I didn't even think about him at all during the movie or during the family gathering at the birthday party. FINALLY HE'S GETTING OUT OF MY HEAD. Ugh. I hate this. We don't fix shit. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.

Here goes ANOTHER fucking night without talking to his ass.
FUCK THIS.

TGIF

So today during Math while I was taking the test, I fell asleep halfway through. LOL. Then I thought I heard a weird noise that I made & it startled me to wake up. -_- Lame, I know. But it was freaking hilarious.

Last night, Will stayed up with me 'till almost 2 while I was doing my stupid Dickinson Packet. It was entertaining, we had a poem fight. & I won :) So Will, if you ever read this one day, thanks for staying up with me :) You're the first person who's actually gone out of their way to keep me company.

Anyways, IT RAINED! Freaking froze my ass off during Lunch. & Those immature freshman or sophomores, whatever, were throwing chips over; so I went to yell at them. Gahd, fucking bugss. Then after school, Lee & I started to walk home 'cuz we didn't want to freeze our asses off at school while waiting for the bus. But then Josh texted me & asked if I was going home, & that he wanted to go to Tea Rush 'cuz we had plans. So Lee & I waited for Josh. He eventually came with Andy; then we walked down the hill again to Josh's car. Then; gas > dropped Andy off. We saw a coyote! So Josh drove back to look for it, but it disappeared): But then he decided to keep driving since we had a lot of time to kill 'till 7. We tried to get 'lost', but there were no twisting roads. Hah. Christina got out of the car & started to drive, while Josh sat in the passenger seat.

'Christina! There's a car!'
*Turns all the way around ' WHERE?! '

[Inside joke.] Thenn, went to Tea Rush; got Josh & me large aquamarines + boba; walked to HMart 'cuz Josh had to pee; walked to Josh's car; & went to Christina's house; watched CSI :) wooo. & Josh scared me ):< That faghole. Then it was POURINGG when I left her house to get in my mom's car. & Right now, Josh is probably having the time of his life listening to Justo Lamas :] Hah. Today was fun. A lot of good memories just fooling around doing nothing. Being pathetic Diamond Bar kids with nothing to do in town ): We should've gone to movies, but Josh couldn't stand ditching Kathleen 'cuz he's too nice.

On the other hand, the same person I'm losing trust in is going behind my back & doing shit. & I don't trust her AT ALL now. Woww, how you gonn' play me like that? Fucker, thinking I wouldn't know. You came to me that one day, spilling all that bullshit about that one person; got me thinking like damn. She's gonn' stick with this one. But then you're gonn' go back on what you said & try to go after someone else? You're really starting to piss me off & Imma explode on you one day. Just wait & see.

Fuck the bitches.

Ps. YAY! I don't have to stay up late doing shit anymore. At least not for two days :)

o_o

Blogspot reminds me of Xanga. & I remember it used to be a craze: who could get the most subscribers, what comments we get, & if we get kudos with the comments. Lol. Good memories. Anyways. If you don't want to know how I feel or if you're gonna go assuming shit by what I say, or if you're gonna go off & get pissed off by what I say in here, or future blogs, don't read it. 'Cuz I especially don't want shit about Blogspot. Wack.

Blah. I'm tired. I slept so late last night studying for Bio test that I think I failed anyways.
& The first thing I want to say, is that I lost trust in her. I used to go to her for my problems. But how're you going to go behind my back & say shit that isn't even true? How're you going to go & tell the person what I said? Fuck that. I'm not going to go to you for my issues anymore. I can't even trust you to keep your mouth quiet. & Even if you didn't, I still doubt you 'cuz of how you used to feel.

By the way, don't go questioning shit wondering if it's you. & Don't ask me who it is unless your name is Catherine Wu or Christina Lee or Joshua Adams.

So yesterday was interesting. After school, me & Lee & Adams & Nancy were standing around talking & joking around. Then I think me & Christina pulled our "Ouu Stt" thing & he started walking away towards the front, lol. Then Josh started walking to his car & I started freaking out 'cuz I didn't think he actually drove to & from school. Hah. Me & Christina followed him down Pathfinder Hill & he tried to trick us with where his car was, since we had no idea what it looked like. But in the end, we guessed right(: even though it was like the 4th guess, hah. He almost ran jaywalking across the street 'cuz he wanted to trick us -_- wack. Then he gave us a ride to Tea Rush only if we promised to get him a drink(: He likes what I like! Aquamarine w/ Boba. Then we saw Ashton & chilled there 'till Chris came with Annie. I wasn't having the best day yesterday. I was really bitchy, & NO I'm not Pmsing. Shiit, the week that I'm super nice is the week I Pms. Lol. Then things went downhill with Chris & Annie 'cuz they thought I was being a bitch. It's just. I don't like being with Chris when Annie's there , or being with Annie when Chris is there. It's not that I have a problem with their friendship or with them hanging out together. I just feel hella left out. They talk in Viet in front of me, so when it's just the three of us I'm just sitting or standing there thinking like "Uhm." But whatever, I'll try to learn Viet one day? Well, the best part of yesterday was the Tea Rush & the 6-pack Burger thing from BK that I put my fingers all over. Hahaha, Lee & Adams ate it anyways. Ugh, then the smoking shit, parking lot drama, Lee's house, & the whatevers departure. I. Hate. Seeing. Chris. Walk. Away. Like. That. But my sister said she was going to pick me up from Lee's house & she just got off the freeway. Considering the fact that the freeway is a 2 minute drive to Lee's house, I couldn't go outside & be seen with them. Or else my cover that I was doing a dance project would've been blown. Shiit. I regretted just standing there when he walked out though.. Whatever. It's done with & over now.

Right now, I'm at the part of the relationship where either way it goes, it'd be whatevers. I mean, we've fallen harder & gotten back up stronger than ever, but Idk this time just feels different. Ugh. I know what people say, I know what I say & what I think about when I get pissed off. But I can't just let Chris go. It's like that fucking song,

"Everytime I try to leave
something keeps pulling me back, me back
telling me I need you in my life"

Gaaaahd. Like, I don't even know how to explain it. If you knew me back when I was with Siean, you knew how much I felt for him & how depressed I was when we broke up. But Chris, my feelings for Chris go 120938201398 x past what I used to feel for Siean. Idk why but it's like that. I mean, if you think about it, we've been through so much. Chris liked other people, I liked a different person, we both have HEEEELLLLLAAA flaws that bug the other, & we're so different. But we've stuck through with it this far. 2 months & 12 days, it seems like an eternity to me. Honestly, I thought this would be a whatever relationship. We'd get together, fight, break up, then move on while still staying Guhguh&Meimei. But somewhere along the way: through the fights, the time we spent 22/48 hours together that weekend, through the times Chris came, & all the memories ... I fell. I've never felt so strongly for anybody, ever. I've never cried over someone's health, only my family. I especially didn't stick through so much shit for one person. Ugh.

A part of me knows that somewhere deep down, Chris still cares. He told me that he's still in love with me, not as much as he used to be but it's still there. But Idk. If you cared.. wouldn't you be trying to fix the problems we have? Wouldn't you be on the phone with me right now instead of ignoring me on Aim? You told me yourself that you want to fix the problems, you said that we'd talk later on during the day to fix everything. But you.. don't. So Idk where to go from here.

So now I'm going to go back to my 100 questions for English, that I have yet to do, while replaying stupid love songs on Itunes, trying to figure out where I should go from here.